Class Time

After nine months of on the job training as a corrections officer, I started class this week for my jailers license. I will be busy this week so I don’t know how much time that I will have to blog and surf but I thought that I would post a little update as to the course lessons so far.

  1. Beatings – a) Hose vs. Baton b) How to inflict maximum pain with the least amount of visible evidence. c) Warm up exercises to avoid stress injuries while administering beatings.
  2. Verbal Abuse – After witnessing the verbal tongue lashing that I hurled at a passing motorist that cut me off while entering the parking lot, the instructor persuaded me to come before the class and teach everyone the proper use of cursing as a means of humiliation. I hope that this will give me bonus points towards the final exam.
  3. Prison Chow – a) Slop vs Gruel – What has more nutritional value. b) What over the counter remedies best alleviate diarrhea and nausea caused by prison food?
  4. Prison Hooch – How to know by smell when the hooch is ready for confisication in order to plan midnight card game.

Yes I feel I am a better officer already but I have two weeks learning ahead of me. I’ll try to keep everyone updated.

9 Responses to “Class Time”

  1. learning is good for the soul πŸ™‚
    sounds like a hoot…..

    A hoot indeed. – Pure Evyl

  2. its nice to see you caring so much, you want nothing but the best for those prisoners. they deserve it!

    Perhaps the sensitivity training will make me a kinder and gentler Evyl. But I wouldn’t count on it. – Pure Evyl

  3. Good luck!

    Thanks, Red!!! – Pure Evyl

  4. When do they teach you about administering a high colonic irrigation? πŸ˜‰
    Gotta make sure the prisoners aren’t hiding anything up there.
    ~m

    I have big knuckles which are a big plus on cavity searches. – Pure Evyl

  5. oh yes, i bet you could definitely teach the class about the most efficient way to strip search – not to mention jailer’s haiku 101.
    sarah

    My haikus are actually great stress relievers. – Pure Evyl

  6. OMG evly working in the justuce system you need to work in AZ for Sheriff Joe God Help US πŸ˜‰ I’m sure you’ll be great congrats

    He’d make a great boss. – Pure Evyl

  7. Sounds like you’re doing pretty well so far.

    So far, so good. – Pure Evyl

  8. I’m not at all surprised that you have gone to the head of the class. You’re number one to me, buddy! Any possibility we’ll see a music video – you could cover ‘The Chain Gang’ in a new, twisted way. πŸ˜‰
    WC

    It is one of my favorite sounds to sing while walking down the hall or supervising a work detail. – Pure Evyl

  9. Do you know the difference between a black guy and a tire?
    Tires don’t sing when you put chanins on ’em πŸ˜‰

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