Pregnancy In Prison: A Prison Bitch Love Story

It was love at first sight. When Jim was first released from the hole and placed in general population, he was placed alone in a two man cell. For two weeks, he spent his nights exercising doing push ups, sit ups, and pull ups off the top bunk. Then one night after lights out while he was on his second set of pushups, in walked Jonesy. He peered up from his push up position and caught his first glimpse of Jonesy. Jonesy’s cheeks sparkled with the color of fresh Skittles, his lips vibrant with cinnamon Jolly Ranchers. To Jim he was a vision of Prison Bitch loveliness, and he knew he had to make Jonesy his own.

It was love at first sight for Jonesy as well. He had just gotten out of a bad relationship with his last cellie who had delighted in punching Jonesy in the face as he masturbated. One look at the sensitive face of Jim and the sweat glistening off the tattoo on Jim’s back that read, My Momma Loves Me, and Jonesy knew that Jim was his kind of man. A man that could laugh. A man that could cry. A man that could give a good reach around.

That night they consummated their relationship. And a bond of love as strong as a well made shank was forged. Jonesy felt that it was only right that Jim and Jonesy should have a baby. A kind of a baby that only could be fostered in prison.

The next day was commissary day. Jonesy ordered two jars of Peanut Butter and a few packages of Ramen Noodles. When the commissary order came in, Jonesy ate a jar and a half of peanut butter successfully stopping up his bowels and then ate a couple of the Ramen noodle packs dry and drank a lot of water. Jonesy had created a perfect likeness of a pregnant pooch belly.

That night after lights out. Jim and Jonesy lay in the bunk rubbing Jonesy’s belly and delighting in Jonesy’s ‘pregnancy’. They thought of names for the ‘baby’ and coo’ed and aah’ed over whether it would be a boy or a girl. It was perfect bliss for two weeks.

At the end of two weeks, Jonesy knew that he couldn’t keep it up much longer. To do so would risk the build up in his colon to turn toxic. He ate a bunch of black market laxatives. When the laxatives worked their magic, Jonesy miscarried.

That night Jim comforted Jonesy over the grief of the miscarriage. Relationships are forged in the tough times and Jim and Jonesy came through the other side of this tragedy. Soon they were forging plans for starting a new family. And they were having fun trying to conceive.

This has been a docu-drama. While the characters portrayed are fictional, the basic formula for prison bitch pregnancy is accurate. Sometimes truth is sicker than fiction.

5 Responses to “Pregnancy In Prison: A Prison Bitch Love Story”

  1. Are you serious? guys actually do that??

    It’s truly a sick world, ain’t it? – Evyl

  2. that was so touching. i had to run out and buy a case of kleenex. The things people will do for true lurv. i bet if i pretend to be pregnant i can be someone’s bitch too. maybe there’s hope for me after all.

    Ya know one of my biggest calling cards on search engines is ‘pregnant titties.’ If you’d just photoshop a pregnant belly onto your pics, no telling what could happen. The skies the limit, as they say. – Evyl

  3. Lmao.

    Sick sick sick. Also funny. But sick.

    Thank you sir!!! – Evyl

  4. And now they’re planning to write about their loss and do the talk show circuit. Oprah will just snap up the tear jerkin’ tale about love and loss. And it will be titled “Ode to Billi Rubin – the product of our love” *sniggers*

    That is one foul piece of writing. You are a sick and twisted puppy and I love you.

    Thanks so much for your compliments, I am as loveable as a puppy. Thanks so much for noticing. And btw, I love you too. You are, if possible, just as sick as I am. That is a hard quality to find. – Evyl

  5. Billy Bob Says:

    FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

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