Strange Fact

Salt Lake City is the Number One consumer of Jell-O in the United States.

Personally this pisses me the fuck off. I mean haven’t the Mormons grabbed enough attention lately by splashing their polygamist lifestyle all over the news. Hell just down the road there is so much DNA testing going on, trying to figure out who’s the baby-daddy, that if I see anyone come near me with so much as a Q-Tip, I’m going to knock them the fuck out.

Therefore I am going to issue a nation-wide challenge. Every city, town, village, and hamlet is challenged to host a colossal Jell-O Wrestling competition. Surely someone somewhere can out Jell-O the Mormons if only for a day. And really wouldn’t a neighborhood Jell-O Wrestling night be good for better understanding and camaraderie. Come on people, It takes a village.

12 Responses to “Strange Fact”

  1. personally, i’d rather wrestle in pudding. chocolate.
    jello is just so… plebian.

    Maybe that’s why the mormons have a lock on the jell-o. Hmm, I never thought of it that way. – Evyl

  2. *sighs* I went to a jelly wrestling competition last year and i was dissapointed because they didnt use actual jelly (or jell-o) instead they had these tiny crystal thingees.

    Rather disapointing. I would rather wrestle in chocolate cake. or maybe an alcohol of some sort. although that might sting in a few places.

    Jell-Shot Wrestling would be the best of both worlds, maybe. – Evyl

  3. mmmm.. jelly shots…
    That could work.

    Anythings worth a try. – Evyl

  4. I loove jello but no on the jello shots,not old enough! i eat alo of jello these days being stuck in the hospital!

    Well it beats the shit out of the damned lukewarm chicken broth they try to force feed me every time that I have been in the hospital. Take care and I hope you are feeling better. BTW, does your parents know that you sneak out to strange websites like this? – Evyl

  5. So they like ground horse hooves, what’s so bad about that? I wonder, though, what other horse parts they are the leading consumer of.
    I would host a jello wresteling competition but if you’d ever seen the girls in my home town you would see how it would confused as animal cruelty.

    Damn, that’s sad. – Evyl

  6. Doktor Holocaust Says:

    Mormons consume a lot of jello because they have strict rules governing what foods members can and cannot eat. Coffee is forbidden because ti is a “drug,” yet powdered animal-bone extract with artificial colors and flavors is perfectly okay.

    or it could be that Salt Lake City has a big college, and college kids tend to go for the cheapest food possible because they like to spend lots of money on booze. If Salt Lake City also consumes the most ramen, it’s probably the college kids rather than the Mormons.

    That and mac n cheese. – Evyl

  7. A day of Jello-o Wrestling could instigate the need to more q-tips.

    Ain’t that the truth. – Evyl

  8. Then again, myhaps Mormons are the preeminent authorities on jello wrestling
    Ooo, I may have just found religion
    Jello wrestling and polygamy=awesome religion

    Polygamous Jell-O Wrestling would be one hell of a contact sport/religous service. – Evyl

  9. The Church of Jellyology.

    heh.

    I’ll pray to that. It bets the hell out of Thetans. – Evyl

  10. Gebus wheezus! Wrestling in shit that looks like green placenta.

    Must add that to my “to do” list.

    If you post it make sure and add pics. – Evyl

  11. mmm… green placenta…

    Crazee Tastee. – Evyl

  12. Yes, evyl they do 🙂

    That’s good. I’d hate to think that I was corrupting anyone. – Evyl

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