Today an inmate in the Disciplinary Segregation Tank, the hole, placed a sign on his window stating,’I am not gay anymore. I am not going to hell.’ Evidently this individual had been taking some grief from the other inmates in the adjacent cells for his very vocal affirmations of his homosexuality and was hoping to alleviate the harassment.

It fell upon me to go down to the hole and tell this inmate that it was against policy to hang signs or any other item that would obscure the vision of the Segregation Officer into the cell and advice him that he would receive another disciplinary write up if he were to put up another sign. He complied and said that he would not put up another sign in the future.

Now, I do not consider myself to be homophobic in the least nor do I claim any great knowledge of the workings of the human psyche but it is my opinion that this inmate is a classic self loather and just plain deceiving himself.

 In the first place I am of the opinion that once a guy has sucked a cock, he is a cocksucker. Plain and simple, one does not turn his gayness on and off. Much like an alcoholic, if a person is an alcoholic, they can recover and stay away from alcohol, but one drink could push them over the edge to revert to being a drunk or one cock could just push the ex-cocksucker into a full blown cock sucking ass bandit.

In the second place, my parents taught me that anything worth doing is worth doing well. Don’t ever do anything half-ass and if you do that then you can hold your head up high and be proud. My advice to this young man is don’t be a self-loather, if you are going to suck a cock be the best damned cocksucker that you can be. When someone else states, ‘That guy is a cocksucker’, the man standing next to him should be able to state, ‘Hell yeah, that motherfucker is the best goddamned cocksucker, I have ever seen. He could suck a fucking golf ball through fifty feet of motherfucking garden hose.’ Do what you love and love what you do, even if it’s sucking cock.

11 Responses to “Cocksucker”

  1. LOL you have interesting work stories.
    I totally agree with you. If you’re gonna suck fucken make sure you suck good!!

    What about those old guys that get married and have kids then they’re like “hold up im gay?”

    I love my job. Never a dull moment. And those dudes are just kidding themselves. – Evyl

  2. Wish I could love my job.

    I’m sure one’s out there for you. Don’t give up hope. It took me years to find one that I didn’t mind going to. – Evyl

  3. If you’ve had your tonsils tickled or you’ve turd tangled you’re gay. You can’t just turn off a switch, and suddenly you’re a pussy plower.

    He should hold up sign that says:


    Hells fuckin’ yeah!!! – Evyl

  4. This is what my mom told me about sucking cock…
    “Mmmmm mm mmmm mmmm m mmmm mmm m mm m mmmm m…”
    or something like that
    I dare say though that hanging a sign that says “I’m not gay” is a pretty fucking clear indication that yes indeed you are gay. Especially when you’ve tied the front of your shirt into a knot like that…

    Zactly. – Evyl

  5. Doktor Holocaust Says:

    I disagree. I don’t think one sex act determines a person’s overall sexual orientation. I think a trend in sex-acts does. Should a man suck 20 cocks and munch 80 rugs, I’d say he was 80% straight. Should he get around the 50% range, I’d call that Bisexual, and once we get into the 30% range, he’s gay but perhaps wondering what’s all the fuss over pussy is about.

    I don’t like to argue semantics. One sucked cock = cocksucker. I like to keep things clean and simple. Unlike a cocksucker’s facial. – Evyl

  6. The title alone made me excited.
    I, too, say yes, gay.
    But does that make me gay for eating pussy? Nooo, noo, for I am a cocksucker too. I’m what Dok Holocaust would call 80% straight/20% gay 🙂

    How could I argue with anyone that likes eating pussy? It would be downright wrong of me. – Evyl

  7. Statistical analysis of gay or straight. I’m liking this type of research.

    When y’all figure it out let me know. – Evyl

  8. In the end this became a very motivational speech, you should have had an orchestra backing you up for the last few lines 😉

    Maybe some nice Wagner. Not Porter the other dude. – Evyl

  9. Pure poetry dude.
    Reminds me of a Chris Farley rant

    I wrote it in a van down by the river. – Evyl

  10. Doktor Holocaust Says:

    so if someone sucks a cock and them munches a rug, they’re a cocksucking rugmuncher? It’s definitely in line with FDA labeling guidelines.

    Cocksuckin’ rugmuncher sounds like a phrase that pays. It has a nice ring to it. – Evyl

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