Always Willing to Lend A Hand

The new Assistant Warden discussed a possible new plan to curb unprofessional behavior at the facility. It is his opinion that the use of profanity is far too excessive. His plan is to have a charity jar. When anyone is caught cursing, that person is to leave a donation in the jar.

I whole-heartily agree with his position and endorse it with enthusiasm. I have volunteered to administer the program to the very best of my ability. I even plan to give generously to the fund. I have decided on a great charity that will benefit greatly from this highly motivational fund. I am now working on just the right words to put on the jar to help motivate my co-workers.

The Evyl Foundation For The Linguistically Challenged.

“Give Till It Hurts, you fuckwitted, piss-complected, banjo-pluckin’, shit for brains, dung eating, douche drinking, cumfaced rejects from Hee-Haw.”

Surely that should motivate a few extra donations to the jar.

11 Responses to “Always Willing to Lend A Hand”

  1. QueenBitch Says:

    What the fuck is this guy smoking? I have heard that swearing in an arguement just means that you have no idea what to say so you’re just swearing and that means your weak. But for petes sake you work with criminals does this guy really think that crimanals are going to respond to “sir could you please stop beating that man to death?”
    “Inmate #5566798 I will not ask you again please stop beating that man. What your not beating him? oh.. well um.. carry on..”

    I generelly treat people the way that I would like to be treated, but some inmates will only respond to the language that they are accostumed to. And believe me I can make them relate. – Evyl

  2. Doktor Holocaust Says:

    so the clitless ass-faced cosmetic vaginoplasty practice dummies have to donate somewhere else, then?

    I rather like the idea of a swear-for-charity jar. I should put a suggestion for it in the suggestion box at work, as it would first require that we be allowed to swear without getting fired.

    I would have a life expectancy of two hours on a job that I could not curse at. – Evyl

  3. QueenBitch Says:

    I had an old manager I used to like he was cool We could swear at him and he wouldnt give a fuck. He listend to us too and stoood up for us when we were getting yelled at by customers. Oh how i miss him lol ..

    He sounds like a peach. – Evyl

  4. Reminds me of the Bud Light commercial:

    Forget charity! Buy BEER!

    That was funny as fuck. I had to add that to my vod-pod. Thanks for the heads up. – Evyl

  5. “you fuckwitted, piss-complected, banjo-pluckin’, shit for brains, dung eating, douche drinking, cumfaced rejects from Hee-Haw.”

    Awww .. you’re such a sweetheart, Evyl.
    That makes me all warm and fuzzy inside .. and a bit moist.

    That’s me. Fuzzy on the inside. 😉 – Evyl

  6. “trishatruly” took the words right out of my mouth – I love that Bud commercial! 🙂

    It’s damn phunny. – Evyl

  7. We had the same bullshit placed on us at one of our ED management meetings. Screaming sphincter, he who last practiced medicine about the same time he last got laid (I think the Kennedy brothers were still kicking) tells us that we will have three warnings if we say ‘bad’ words and after that there will be disciplinary consequences.

    So the next time some drug fucked, rancid piece of dingo shit holds a blood filled syringe to my neck I shall say “Please sir, I would appreciate it if you don’t inject your dirty old syringe into my neck?” when the usual statement is – drop it fuckface, or I will rip your cock off and shove it down your throat”

    Screaming sphincter, so not amused. It’s common for me to be disciplined on a weekly basis, but not the way I wanna be. *sobs*

    I have been known to use that same line. Although I usually threaten to shove it up their ass. Here’s hoping that you get disciplined this week. In a good way. – Evyl

  8. Hi Evyl,
    I have tagged you to go next in Anonymum’s rolling post.
    You can find the latest in the story on my blog at
    So looking forward to where this goes next…

    I shall endevour to get one posted this evening. Therefore I will move up the start of my contest to this morning. – Evyl

  9. loving your contribution to the fund there honey..near wet my fucking pants laughing…
    we had a swear jar at work for a while..i filled inside 2 weeks!
    worth every fucking cent though, just to be able to tell the boss to fuck off!

    It would be worth it for that. – Evyl

  10. Fuck me, if we had a swear jar at work I would have filled it up once a day for the last 3 days due to fucknuts downloading things on their computer that they just shouldn’t. And I have to clean up the mess.

    And now I am a charity case, so does that mean I get my money back??????

    By all rights you should get double the money back. – Evyl

  11. A-fucking-men, dude.

    Nuff said. – Evyl

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