Fuckin’ Up A Tag

The talented quick-witted and delightfully original Naomi freakin’ tagged my ass. And what a tag it is, I am supposed to follow the Girly Stuff Meme. How in the fuck am I supposed to do that. I have thought of it for a few days and came down to two choices; I could either fuck up the meme to skew it to a manly perspective or I could get in touch with an in-law cousin of my wife, who I will call here Drag Queen Danny. Since Drag Queen Danny frankly freaks me out, I decided to fuck it up. So here it is: Dude Stuff – Building The Best Dude that you can be.

  1. What is your favorite shaving product? Bald Guyz Head Moisturizing Gel. It has it all. It moisturizes and it protects your noggin from harmful UV rays. Because a sunburn on the top of your noggin sucks major balls.
  2. What is your favorite Cologne/After Shave? I generally don’t wear cologne or after shave. With my rugged good looks, I have a hard enough time feeling like a piece of meat every time I am around women. To add anything other than my masculine scent would almost be criminal. But for those times when I am feeling like teasing the female masses into a frenzy, I will spray on a bit of Santa Fe.
  3. What is the best masturbation lubricant? There are two types of liars in the world, those that say they never have and those that say that they have quit. I am the second type of liar. The best lubricant is God’s gift to jack-offs, spit. But for those moments when the spit just won’t cut it, I would recommend Huggies Baby Lotion. If it is gentle enough for a baby’s ass then it should be more than gentle enough for a Johnson.
  4. Thoughts on Manscaping? Don’t shave your pubes. When they grow back they can itch like hell. But trim it, if a gal doesn’t have to worry about choking on a hairball, she will be more apt to google the hoogler. Do not shave your head if you have a misshapen noggin. Shave your back if you look like Sasquatch. Trim your eyebrows. No one gets the hots for a dude with a couple of caterpillars above their peepers. Trim your nostrils. Braiding them into your moustache is not an option. If you have hair in your ears trim that shit. It is just fucking nasty.
  5. Men with looks that are admirable? I have never really gave much thought to the way that guys look.  Now I’m not gay or anything but when I first saw the album cover to ‘Look What The Cat Drug In’, I had never heard of them or listened to their music. I told my buddy that showed it to me, ‘Damn those are some ugly assed chicks although I would do that blonde.’ I have always been a man of my word so I have to give Bret Michaels a nod on this one.
  6. Dudes with the best sense of style? Sean Connery – He is just so damned suave. Sam Elliot – He brings old and crusty to another level and he has that raspy voice thing down pat. Muhammad Ali – Back in his prime, no one could talk the talk and walk the walk better than Ali. To this day, I still quote his line, ‘I’m as pretty as a little girl.’
  7. My Ultimate Dream? Complete Global Domination. If a man has to dream he might as well dream big.
  8. How do I define being a Man? A man takes care of his shit. He doesn’t have to be a bully but he doesn’t back down and doesn’t take shit off of any one. A man does not use violence against women or children and only uses violence as a last resort. But when a man has to use violence, he doesn’t back down and fights to win at all costs. A man is respectful to those that show him respect but tolerates no disrespect. A man takes care of his family. A man is not a man just because he has a dick. A man is a man because of his actions, his beliefs, and his honor. A mother-fucker with a dick that is not a man is just a punkassbitch that is awaiting a beatdown from a real man.
  9. What is your favorite man’s magazine? Pregnant Midget Hookers.

Thanks Naomi, that was fun. And I didn’t even have to talk to the in-laws.

18 Responses to “Fuckin’ Up A Tag”

  1. That was farkin’ beautiful, Evyl. I knew you would handle it well.

    Thanks darlin’. – Evyl

  2. Times like these that I’m glad I don’t drink coffee so I don’t have to spit it! lmao

    I like your definition of manhood. You’re a man of true character Evyl. 🙂

    Glad that you liked it. And I have been called a character. – Evyl

  3. Now, you are what I call a real man !!!!!

    Loved the meme.

    Thanks!!! I’m glad that you liked it. – Evyl

  4. The smell of a man is the best scent. Unless he has sweaty balls and DAS (Dirty Ass Sydrome).
    Bald noggins are beautiful, but not all men can pull it off. You, sir, definitely can.
    Sam Elliott makes me weak in the knees. I nearly cream myself when I hear the man speak.
    You can define a man. But are you a man? 😉

    Like you have to fucking ask. – Evyl

  5. W00t!

    Good job, man. I knew I could count on you.

    Thanks!!! I was wondering how you would react. – Evyl

  6. oh hells ya, “A man is not a man just because he has a dick. A man is a man because of his actions, his beliefs, and his honor. A mother-fucker with a dick that is not a man is just a punkassbitch that is awaiting a beatdown from a real man.” – oh Evyl, you are my kinda good man! Evyl’s good? Ha! Ha! Ha!

    A touch of Evyl is a very good thing. I’m glad that you agree. – Evyl

  7. standing ovation on your thoughts on manscaping!!! spot on 🙂

    It is a subject that I have delved into more than once. I am just doing my small part to help stop the uglification of this planet. – Evyl

  8. Doktor Holocaust Says:

    stealing this!

    Go right ahead. I’ll go and check it out. – Evyl

  9. Evyl, I am so glad to hear that real men still exist, I thought I got one of the last!
    Loved every word of your post. You make me drool a little (there might be moisture other places as well) every time….

    I’m blushing like a little schoolgirl. You sweet thing you. – Evyl

  10. Well fuck me! I think I’m in love! It was the answer to #8 that tipped me over the edge..
    Not many could take this and do what you’ve done darlin’…damned good job

    Thanks, darlin’. I do try. – Evyl

  11. Number 2 was pretty funny.

    Good luck with the total domination thing, if that happens will you please ban IU from the NCAA tournament for a lifetime??

    Glad ya liked it and consider it done. – Evyl

  12. ROFLMFAOPMSL

    They have special underpants for that. 😉 Glad that you liked it. And thanks for stopping in and saying hey. I appreciate it. – Evyl

  13. Simply beautiful, Evyl. What more can I say? You the man!

    Ahhh, you so sweet. – Evyl

  14. I’m fallin in love with you even more now 🙂

    That’s a great meme you’ve got there.

    Thanks darlin’. Love you back. – Evyl

  15. You see, darlin’ this is why every woman in the blogosphere is in love with you. We love us some real man, don’t we ladies?
    Annie

    You are far too kind. Thanks darlin’. – Evyl

  16. Another great piece of writing. I really enjoyed reading this. Nice to see the male side of things 🙂

    And I am always glad to show it. – Evyl

  17. A man is not a man just because he has a dick. A man is a man because of his actions, his beliefs, and his honor.

    That was extremely well put.

    -smith

    Thanks bud. It’s good to see ya back over here. – Evyl

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