Evyl 101: Blowjobs

The important thing to remember is that the cock is not just a simple hard shaft. It is a precious gift that a man is willing to share with a multitude of lucky women. So don’t just put on maximum suction and start bobbing up and down like your face was some kind of pogo stick.

First tease the cock. Kiss it. Lick it. Stroke it lovingly. Fondle his nutsack, kneading it softly but for Christ’s sake don’t use your nails. A nutsack is a sensitive marvel of evolution and must be handled with supreme adulation.

While some are proponents of the Deep Throat procedure, I am realistic. I realize that not every woman will be able to choke down a massive kielbasa. It is perfectly acceptable to suck on the head while stroking the cock firmly. Just remember to set a rhythm and keep it up. Remember that it is about enjoyment not about discomfort.

With comfort in mind, it is not important whether you are down on your knees or lieing down with your head on the crotch. As long as you are comfortable for the long haul, it will be all good.

I will not here advocate pulling your teeth and installing dentures in order to please a man but I must state that it is very important to keep your teeth out of the picture when giving a hummer. Teeth are the enemy. A tooth down the prick is like nails down a chalkboard to a man. It is a total buzzkill.

Remember it is not practice that makes perfect. Perfect practice makes perfect. Follow these instructions and any advice given during the act and everything will turn out right. I have but a couple of more tips and this is concerning what to do now that you have accomplished your goal and now are a proud recipient of a mouthful of cum.

A mouthful of cum is the gift that a man has given you for a job well done. Do not under any circumstance spit it out and disrespect him like that. Cum is low caloric and packed with healthy vitamins and proteins. Wallow it around in your mouth, blow bubbles, stretch it out with your tongue. It is perfectly acceptable to play with your food and then swallow.

And take this tip; Sharing is not acceptable. It should be ingrained in your psyche to love the taste of cum, even if it is latent and may need a little coaxing. It is not ingrained in a man to like it. It is an aberration and a gross one at that for a man to want a snowball. So after you swallow it down with a smile, do not ask a man for a kiss until after you have brushed your teeth or sucked down a cold beer or a shot of Jack Daniels to kill any lingering aftertaste that can be passed to a man.

Thank you and Happy Cock Sucking!!!

19 Responses to “Evyl 101: Blowjobs”

  1. I feel dirty being the first to comment but my wet pants are changed and it’s all good.
    It is an aberration and a gross one at that for a man to want a snowball
    You need a TV show, dude, you know that?.
    Phuck Dr. Phil.
    Long live Dr. Evyl, the Doctor of Loooove.
    I’ll be a guest you could call the Space Cowboy.
    I’ll chalk this one up to a post for the ages.
    ~m

    Just call me the gangsta of luv. – Evyl

  2. You truly speak for men everywhere. We think it, you speak it.

    Thank you kind sir. – Evyl

  3. All i gotta Say is… nice.

    its a shame how undertrained some women are these days 😛

    I’m just doing my part. – Evyl

  4. Well, I am all for the equal time you spend on posts for each gender’s benefit – I’m impressed. Doctor of Looooove. Good one for you, really though. 🙂

    Thanks darlin’. I appreciate it. – Evyl

  5. A mouth full of cum followed by a shot of Jack Daniels…. Now THAT sounds “Crazee Tastee” 😉 😆

    I do love you so. – Evyl

  6. OK, but we can use teeth and nails on the nipples, right?

    Oh yeah, baby. – Evyl

  7. WOW…that was the best public service announcement EVER 🙂

    Thanks darlin’. I’m all about servicing the public. – Evyl

  8. Doktor Holocaust Says:

    I have to admit, I don’t mind teeth, provided they are applied gently. some of my fondest sexual memories start with waking up toa cold serrated knife pressed at the base of my manhood.

    of course, I also tend to be attracted to dangerous crazy people, so a woman who suggests bringing sharp objects to bed, as fun as she may be in the short term, may not be the best choice for long-term companionship unless you’ve got a lot of patience, a vast capacity for forgiveness, and phenomenally comprehensive health insurance.

    Duude. – Evyl

  9. Mmm . . cocksucker is me.

    Oh, and a man aint had a hummer til he’s had a gummer. 🙂

    Ain’t that the truth. – Evyl

  10. I’m sorry– I stumbled upon this while looking for a job as a snow blower or a leaf blower. I’ll move on and look for other blow jobs, but it was an extremely enjoyable read!

    Thanks for stopping by. Blowers of any kind are always appreciated here. – Evyl

  11. “It is a precious gift that a man is willing to share” Not all men are as giving as you Evyl. But, you lost me at “A mouthful of cum is the gift that a man has given you for a job well done. Do not under any circumstance spit it out and disrespect him like that.” YUCK! *shudder* I actually LOL and shouted “GROSS!” while reading. No stanks!

    I consider your laughter and shouting gross as one of the highest compliments that I could receive. – Evyl

  12. it’s so easy for you guys to say that us girls should love the taste of cum… obviously you’ve never tried it yourself! LOL personally i don’t like the taste of cum, it’s gooye, sticky and smells kind of funny… so although i give a splendid bj, my timing is perfect to NOT collect the money shot 🙂
    groovy post dr evyl 🙂

    Nope haven’t tried it and never will. – Evyl

  13. dontdatethatdude Says:

    Thanks for the head’s up, pardon the pun! I will promise to brush and rinse if the man will agree to do the same. Why do guys always want to kiss you right after they go down on you?

    Does a shot of Cuervo count? If so I will gladly gargle. – Evyl

  14. dontdatethatdude.. I completely agree…I don’t want to taste that!!

    Don’t be a hater. 😉 – Evyl

  15. Dontdatethedude makes a very good point – no pun intended. What is up with that?
    WC

    I don’t know. I have known a few women that actually love the taste so much that kisses afterwards involved licking the roof of my mouth to get every bit of the taste of themselves out. Different strokes, I guess. – Evyl

  16. Doktor Holocaust Says:

    I like your theory on the post-cunnilingus kiss. i think there may be other factors involved, too, perhaps some instinctive fascination with stickyness tracing back to childhood, or a desire to see what the sticky substance and will and won’t smear off onto. as I would proudly proclaim back in my rug-munching days, “teehee. I’m all sticky!” and then I would proceed to demonstrate with small objects to show off the adhesive qualities of my lady-friend’s bodily juices.

    It’s a lot like post it notes. – Evyl

  17. Nice to have it confirmed I’m doing it right!
    😉

    Gotta luv it. – Evyl

  18. lifesstory Says:

    I need to get my wife to read this one. She still doesn’t know how and we’ve been married for 36 years. On the other side of that my girfriend does a fantastic job.

    The best of both worlds. – Evyl

  19. Oh Evyl! I am currently recovering from laughing my ass off. This is hilarious, yet women need to know they don’t need to be a Dyson vacuum with teeth. As for the going down and then sharing a kiss…my man and I are equal opportunity sharers. Sex may get down and dirty, but it’s good clean fun!

    As long as it’s consensual, to each their own, is my motto. Glad you liked the post and thanks for dropping by. I appreciate it. – Evyl

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