Twisted Poetry: Episode X

The Cereal Troll

Deep in the cabinet in a cereal bowl

Lives a rarified scarified Cereal Troll.

He’s rumbly and grumbly early in the morn

But before you feed him to you I must warn.

Don’t give him any of the natural organic healthy gunk

The Cereal Troll only goes for the junk.

If you try to give him Grape-Nuts, or Kaschi Go-Lean,

He’ll spit blood from his eyes and get really mean.

Don’t give him Total or Shredded Wheat

Or he’ll jump off the cupboard and stomp on your feet.

And if you ever try to give him Kix

He’ll bitch slap you with a swing of his dick.

He’s coocoo for Cocoa Puffs and Captain Crunch in his bowl

And a spoonful of Fruity Pebbles will make him giggle and roll

Yes to keep him happy give him sugary crap and whatever you do

Make sure to feed him a breakfast to raise his blood sugar to six hundred and two.

If you aren’t mindful by a quarter of three

He’ll step to the edge of the cabinet and into your coffeepot he’ll pee.

So beware and follow my heed without miss

Or one of these mornings drink a cup of hot piss.

11 Responses to “Twisted Poetry: Episode X”

  1. I remember as a kid wondering just what component of Captain Crunch wasn’t sugar. As I was pouring my second bowl 😉

    Gotta luv those Crunch Berries!!! – Evyl

  2. LOL. This one was a fun read. It made me think of the movie Gremlins, though. Hey is that a new blurb under your rating on the upper right or am I just noticing it for the first time?

    It’s fairly new. I put it up when I published the teabag photo. I thought that it went well with it. I am sure that I will change the blurb from time to time but I will keep the rating up. – Evyl

  3. aaaaahahahahaaa! “He’ll bitch slap you with a swing of his dick.”

    Some folks like that sorta stuff.

    You are probably right. – Evyl

  4. Brilliant! I think the troll would do just fine at my house, we have a whole lot of sugary cereals. So much so that other adults comment, “You eat THAT?” Uh, fuck yeah!

    I will always be a fan of certain sugary cereals. My fave is Captain Crunch with Crunchberries. It is just decadent. – Evyl

  5. lifesstory Says:

    Damn. All I have is that crappy monster in my closet. The cereal troll sounds like a lot more fun.

    Having a crap monster in your closet could get rough on your shoes. – Evyl

  6. Youve given me the urge for fruity pebbles. And piss.

    🙂 yay for you!

    Sarah

    Now that’s freaky. There was an inmate here at the facility not long ago that was a little throwed off. He ate his cereal with piss because he was of the belief that we were poisoning his milk. – Evyl

  7. I’ve got an award for you at my site that I hope you will accept. 🙂
    http://www.vtroom.com/

    You are far too kind, darlin’. – Evyl

  8. This made me laugh! And hungry!

    Thanks and sorry ’bout that. – Evyl

  9. Then I will definitely feed him Kix……Thanks for the tips 😀

    It’s great to see ya back, darlin’. I have missed ya. – Evyl

  10. Mmmmm. Cocoa Puffs. Gotta get me a box of those this weekend.

    And they make the milk so crazee tastee. – Evyl

  11. Oh, Thanks! Really interesting. Big ups!

    Thanks. – Evyl

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