Five Reasons I Would Lose On Family Feud

I found myself watching Celebrity Family Feud tonight for lack of anything better to do. Most of the time I kick ass at game shows such as Jeopardy, Wheel of Fortune, and even Don’t Forget the Lyrics but when it comes to Family Feud the first things that come to my mind are generally quite different than what the top responses show on the Feud. I decided to go ahead and list five actual questions that came up on this episode of the Feud and my first gut answers.

  • What would you do if you caught your girlfriend cheating on you? Fuck her dog.
  • Name something that women wear that hurt. A strap on dildo.
  • What do kids brag on about their fathers? The size of their cock.
  • What does a wife stop doing if she is angry at her husband? Give blowjobs.
  • Name something that married couples have two of? Domestic Violence Convictions.

What can I say, none of my answers even made the board.

20 Responses to “Five Reasons I Would Lose On Family Feud”

  1. I don’t think you’d do well on that show.

    Give blowjobs.

    I believe the question was actually: “what do women stop doing after ten minutes of marriage?”

    -smith

    Ouch, that’s harsh. – Evyl

  2. My answers would be:

    * What would you do if you caught your girlfriend cheating on you? – A
    caustic soda enema.
    * Name something that women wear that hurt. A strap on dildo. (yep)
    * What do kids brag on about their fathers? He’s 6 foot 6 with a foul
    temper. Still wanna fuck with me, asshole? (It’s worked, thanks dad)
    * What does a wife stop doing if she is angry at her husband? Allowing
    the husband to breathe.
    * Name something that married couples have two of? Bits on the side if
    they have half a brain.

    Evyl, I would so love to see you on a game show. It would make them actually worth watching. 🙂

    As they say on the Feud, ‘Good Answer, Good Answer.’ – Evyl

  3. Muah-ha-ha-ha! That’s no surprise. No surprise whatsoever…

    😉 – Evyl

  4. “Name something that women wear that hurt. A strap on dildo.”

    Just a spoonful of KY helps the dildo go down, the dildo go doooown, the dildo go down.

    Or so I’ve heard.

    I’ve heard that myself but I will just have to take their word on it. – Evyl

  5. I turned to hubby and said “Blowjobs” on the 4th one too. Go figure.

    Great minds think alike. – Evyl

  6. Hell, Evyl, I don’t think you need to be ON a gameshow, but more rather HOST a gameshow.
    Let’s see, what would that be
    Wheel of Evyl
    or
    the Bong Show
    or
    The Price is Right but She’s Too Ugly
    or
    $10,000 pyramid scheme
    or
    American Porn Idol
    or
    Who wants to be a porn star
    or
    Truth or Dare (Evyl Version)
    or Dildo or No Dildo
    or
    lets make a dildo
    or
    Are you smarter than a hooker

    Are you smarter than a crackho might be a smash hit. – Evyl

  7. Doktor Holocaust Says:

    1) either contaminate everything in her fridge with urine/boogers/whatever or sabotage her plumbing, then dump her.

    2) fake smiles

    3) their access to nuclear weapons

    4) letting him live

    5) envelopes full of blackmail material

    #5 is a helluva great answer. – Evyl

  8. Hilarious! Why don’t they have answers like that on the show… you know other’s think them!! Except maybe “fuck her dog” 😯
    That would be a whole different kinda Family Feud!

    And I thought that was a great answer. – Evyl

  9. lifesstory Says:

    Her dog?! Hope it isn’t a Chihau, chiau. . .oh hell, whatever that little dog is.

    Back to something I said once before. . .#4 Apparently my wife has been mad at me for the better part of 36 years.

    Sorry ’bout that. – Evyl

  10. Hi Evyl,

    Shucks, I wouldn’t even get to the questions, because I’d beat the crap out of Richard Dawson when he tried to kiss my wife.

    the Grit

    I do believe the current hosts don’t slip the tongue anymore. – Evyl

  11. You aren’t very good at this are you. I imagine you to be one of those people who would throw a checker board at a child if you were losing…

    I guess that I really don’t have to ask you how your Anger Management classes are coming along. – Evyl

  12. I almost crapped myself laughing at this AND the comments here! Oh, Lord, this is why I keep coming back….

    Keep up the brilliant work, Evyl.

    Will do and thanks. I appreciate that. – Evyl

  13. MrSmith! Some womens doooo give blowjobs after marriage. I prefer it nightly, even.

    Evyl, such wonderful answers . . I woulda thought they’d all be the number 1 answers. The folks they polled are fucking idiots if they didnt match yours.

    You’re one in a million, darlin’. – Evyl

  14. Oh man, Evyl, I think onto something on number 4 and that should have been the top answer, so who the hell are they surveying? As to the rest, those are vintage Evyl. And we like it like that.
    Annie

    Ahh shucks, you’re so sweet. – Evyl

  15. I never said it wasn’t a good answer… 😀

    😉 – Evyl

  16. * What would you do if you caught your girlfriend cheating on you? – bury her?
    * Name something that women wear that hurt: fingernails.
    * What do kids brag on about their fathers? my daddy has a gun…(im looking forward to that one)
    * What does a wife stop doing if she is angry at her husband? everything. let him figure it all out
    * Name something that married couples have two of? raging personality disorders.

    Gotta keep em coming darlin!!
    p.s. I agree with red.

    But fingernails can hurt so good. – Evyl

  17. Evyl, your blog is a riot! I’m so glad I happened upon it and will definitely be back!

    Thanks so much. You are far too kind. – Evyl

  18. wouldn’t it be…….. the price is right but I’m not pissed enough yet?

    lol

    Could be. – Evyl

  19. maybe soap operas are more your thang.
    ~m

    Like sands through the hourglass, dude. – Evyl

  20. Thus spake Red:

    “MrSmith! Some womens doooo give blowjobs after marriage. I prefer it nightly, even.”

    I’ve been saying you’re the perfect woman for quite some time now, haven’t I?

    -smith 😈

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