Freak Of The Week: The Wounded Freak

Yes my good freaks and friends it is once again time to put the prestigious and highly coveted Freak of the Week title up for grabs. Before I unleash the contest, I would like to give a little back story.

This weekend is my 25th year High School Reunion.  That seems to me one hell of a long fucking time. I suppose in my senility, I am starting to think back on those high school days. When I was a Junoir in high school, I fell backwards while lifting weights. I was doing the clean and jerk and my spotters were for shit and when I went down so did the weights. Someone was standing in front of me with their back turned towards me so being the ignorant noble fucker that I was, I went down with the ship. Both of my wrists were broken and dislocated. After a few days in the hospital, I returned home with casts on both of my arms from my hands to my armpits. After a few more days, I went to back to school. My dad zipped my fly and off I went. That afternoon life took it’s course and something unforeseen happened. I had to piss. I stopped a friend outside the can and explained that I needed some help. I told him that if he just worked the zipper then I could handle the rest. Being the hell of a friend that he was he did it, even though he was embarrassed as hell. Being the hell of a friend that I am, I never let him forget it. Needless to say the next day and for the rest of the time that I was in casts, I wore tank tops and sweat pants.

Now enough of the reminiscing bullshit and on with the contest, what is the freakiest injury that you have ever seen or had. The freakiest response wins the prize. Good luck and may the freakiest freak win.

25 Responses to “Freak Of The Week: The Wounded Freak”

  1. wow this one is right up my alley for sure.
    I fell on my head in front of 61,000 people doing a standing back tuck, it didn’t knock me out, but I did see stars for about a 1 quarter of the game, but being the tough guy I am I got back to cheering, just chose not to stunt ha.

    I have seen girls tossed in the air and not caught landing on their heads, tailbones, etc, let me tell ya that’s painful.

    I played tennis on plantar fasciitis all one summer without realizing it was as bad as it was.

    I liked your story haha sorry I couldn’t really add humor. I did see a good friend of mine just about plow into a ref after we scored a touchdown and ran thru the endzone it was a near miss

    I have plantar fascilitis myself so I can feel your pain. As for the bad back tuck, I bet you got some A-1 consolation from your fellow squad members. Lucky Dog. – Evyl

  2. I nearly ripped my tits off the other day while reaching for somethin’ on the top shelf.
    sucks being short with big tits.

    A near miss nipple tragedy. Sorry ’bout that. – Evyl

  3. ha, not really an injury, just thought i’d share.

    And thanks for sharing. – Evyl

  4. I’m not good at telling stories but well, here it goes… It supposed to be interesting.

    I was waiting for a cab when this happened.

    A guy sped down the street on his bike and crashed the phone booth in front of me and fell face down right there. It was almost late at night, no cops would charge you for speeding in my hometown in Indonesia.

    Only a couple of seconds later, people has circled him, examining him. He wore thick jacket and big helmet, so people said, “he’s alright,’ and sent someone to get him water. I also thought he was alright.

    But one voice came out loud from among the small crowd saying, “no he’s not alright. Look at his head, it’s turned backwards!’ then he walked towards the passed out guy, “let me fix it.’

    We were kind of shocked by the news the man told us so we let him do what he was going to do. The fact that this unfortunate guy wore his jacket turned over had left our minds. (It was common in my hometown to wear jacket turned over. I mean, the jacket’s front side on your back. And this unfortunate guy was wearing his jacket that way.)

    So we just watched him trying to break the guy’s neck until we heard a bones-cracking sound, then we realized that this man was wrong, that this man had just killed the guy.

    I got plenty of injury tales, can I submit more?

    Sometimes it’s best to remain an innocent bystander. – Evyl

  5. aHahahah! Stupid me! I always associate injury with death. I’m sorry. Cancel that. The following is my official entry.

    A few months ago, a couple of lovers was having sex under a tree on the river bank near my house. Then I don’t know how it could ever happened to them, the guy’s dick got stuck inside the girl’s pussy.

    They have tried to solve this problem themselves but they failed. They got to get some help.

    Indonesian people are known as nice and friendly, that is so true. So people helped them. They carried the ‘glued’, still half-naked lovers all the way to the hospital, by foot, for everyone of us to watch.

    I hope this time I get the idea (injury) right.

    Should have thrown cold water on them. It works for dogs. – Evyl

  6. Doktor Holocaust Says:

    injured myself playing video games. Not some physically vigorous game on the Wii or even a high-speed bout of Dance Dance Revolution, but Animal Crossing: Wild World on the Nintendo DS. I injured myself playing a cute little simulation game on a handheld gaming system.

    To start with, I was drunk. I’d started gaming in the bathroom, taking a nice long dump and getting my game on. Once dump had completed, I deced to relocate to the bed, I leapt onto my bed. There is a hole in my matress left by a cramp in my hand one night (it cramped in my sleep and clenged into a fist, with one of the fingers tearing through the matress as this happened). One of my fingers got caught in this little hole and bet backwards and sideways in a way that fingers are not supposed to bend. it was still flexible and didn’t seem to be broken, but it was still and swollen and did not regain full range of motion for weeks.

    It just goes to show to be careful when drunken gaming. – Evyl

  7. QueenBitch Says:

    I’ve only broken a finger. and no not doing anything like some self lovin… just playing netball. It was annoying with the whole zipper thing but i still had my right hand for that.

    i am tempted to go break something just for you evyl but not THAT tempted…

    Please don’t get injured on my account. – Evyl

  8. I got a pretty rough carpet burn on my ass once after falling off the bed backwards during some reverse cowgirl sex. For the life of me I still can’t figure out exactly how it happened, all I know is one minute is was really good and the next minute my ass was “tore up” – and not in a good way. Yes, we still finished…on the floor.

    Oh, and I was ironing naked once and burned my stomach. Guess the other one’s better though.

    If you have to get injured it’s best done while doing something enjoyable. – Evyl

  9. I once bit a bloke on the dick and he had to get 3 stitches…does that count??

    Youch, I am wincing in pain at the thought of it. – Evyl

  10. Well, it wasn’t one I’ve seen, but my mother is a nurse and she told me about this guy once that came into the ER when she was on call:

    She said he walked in with camo and a bright orange hunting vest on claiming that he had been shot. They could see some blood coming from underneath his vest, and it became obvious that he had been shot in the stomach. They took him into an exam room, and unzipped his jacket, and the majority of his guts fell out the front of him.

    Turns out the buckshot basically unzipped the entire front of his abdomen, and the vest was what was holding it all in.

    I could tell you about nasty donorcycle injuries and my cop’s recent dumbshit ankle break and dislocation, but I didn’t think they are nearly as retarded as a good hunting injury.

    Hunting accidents are never pretty. Sounds like the guy just nearly field dressed himself. – Evyl

  11. Oh and PS, this guy shot himself. He was leaning the gun facing upward, with the barrel against his stomach… Duh.

    Wonder how many Falstaff’s he had drank? – Evyl

  12. While working on the ambulance a couple of years back – we responded to house call where a ‘not so smart’ young guy (I think early 20’s) and his girlfriend were drunk and daring one another to do things to themselves – his dare was to put his sack against the vacuum cleaner while it was turned on (and no not the extension end). I will just say it got sucked in and very messy and it looked kind of like raw meat by the time we got there. We had to transport the guy with the vacuum end attached to the ER.

    Bet that left a mark. Thanks for popping in!!! – Evyl

  13. I have carpet burns on my knees…. 😛

    Gotta luv it. 😉 – Evyl

  14. I’ve had an injury that actually happened to me that tops all these weak ass stories. In the 7th grade during off season football more specifically matt drills, where you roll around doing flips and shit on a rubber matt, I hurt my ass. I did this by rolling my big clumsy ass of the matt and hitting concrete. The next day was weights but I could barely sit down and after the coach embarrassingly looked at purple and blue ass told me to just stand around, however, the next day I had to do matt drills again and the same thing happened this time with a dull thud. Actually, I’m sure it was louder then a thud as I was a big guy already over 6 feet at that point. After getting some help up with tears blurring my vision the coach just smiled and commented on my lack of coordination, Thanks a lot douche bag. The next period was English and I was unable to sit down at the annoyance of the teacher so I was forced to go to the nurse where again I had to drop down my pants and show someone my black and blue ass. My mom had to take off work to see my black and blue ass and then borrow my dads farm truck that has no shocks and drive me down a dirt roads and crappy county roads 50 miles in a truck with no shocks, yeah it deserved repeating, to the doctor where a couple of xrays determined it was broken. All they could do was give me a fucking donut to carry around for 3 months with seniors and others laughing and trying to stealing my donut, and yelling hemroids almost every day. It was so bad I actually drew pity from disgruntle black girl who berated and threaten to kick a rednecks ass for taking my donut. Apparently, only she could make fun of me while I was on the bus. She quit schools a few weeks later, but I will always remember her this one act of kindness. Just to let you know with this injury taking a dump, really hurts. Since my tailbone was not only broken but dislocated taking that shit hurt really bad, so bad I was actually constipated for a three weeks. When I started turning pale my mother realized what was happening she tricked me into taking some ex-lax and finally when the shit exploded out of my ass I reinjured myself and had to carry the donut longer. All of this in the same house with Evyl and CrazyDan who still do this day make fun of my broken ass. In the end, I think I was more damaged physiological then physically, but that’s alright becausse I’m good enough, I’m smart enough and dog gone it people like me.

    Ahhh, memories. – Evyl

  15. When I was 11 I had a major concussion. I was running along the side of the school building to the parking lot where my ride home was waiting.. and when I got to the corner.. I was hit from the side by another girl who was also running! Her forehead slammed into the left side of my head, right behind my ear. She was larger than me so when she hit me I immediately when unconscious and was thrown back hitting my head again on the sidewalk. (this was all according to my brother who witnessed the whole thing) When I woke up.. I couldn’t see! I stayed blind for several hours.. quite frightening! I also vomited for several hours… fun. I remember being so sleepy and not being able to stay awake and my mom and step dad taking turns keeping me awake all night…. glad they did though 🙂

    May not be the freakiest injury.. but, it was freaky to me!

    That must have sucked. – Evyl

  16. I broke my right thumb while playing golf.

    Oh, not real golf. I was playing Golden Tee Golf (video game) at a bar and I was going or a hard left to right fade and I slammed my hand into the side of the machine breaking my thumb. I continued the game left-handed and won by a dozen strokes.

    Do you know how hard it is to wipe your ass if you are right-handed and you break your right thumb? I do.

    That is dedication. – Evyl

  17. Gee, I’m out – I don’t think I’ve ever had a freaky accident. The only thing I can think of was when I was about ten – I had a shelf above my bed where I kept books and art supplies and such. I had a big ol’ coffee can full of crayons and colored pencils – but in those days the coffee cans had sharp edge – remember that? Anyway, I was sitting on my bed drawing away, the can of crayons and pencils there on the bed and I stood up on the bed to get something off the shelf and somehow my ankle twisted and I went down right on top of that damned sharp-edged coffee can and I ended up slicing the front of my ankle straight across. Damn did that sucker bleed and bleed and bleed. My mom was all atither and had me lying on the couch with a million pillows propped under it. Got the princess treatment for a couple of days before Moms reaized that I wasn’t going to die and then back normal. Not very freaky though.

    I guess those plastic cans are good for something then. No more tragic crayon accidents. – Evyl

  18. I’ve never broken any bones, but I’ve got some cool scars.

    I’ve got a six inch scar running through my navel from surgery when I was 18 months old (my intestines twisted up and told me to fuck off, essentially, it’s called Meckles Direticulum.) Probably wouldn’t have been so bad if they’d been able to help me at the first hospital, but the expert stomach surgeon was busy with someone who had shot himself in the gut.

    The other scar is right next to it, in the outline of an azalea, but I paid for that one. It was done with a scalpel though, does that count as freaky?

    Oh, and I did a year of Forensics at Uni, saw some pretty gruesome shit there, I’ll tell you what. Woah nelly!

    I bet the Forensics gig was damned gruesome. – Evyl

  19. *wipes tears from eyes after laughing at Big D’s tale*

    worst I’ve ever done was take a running jump at the monkey bars on our backyard swing set and slip, landing flat on my back and cracking a bone in my elbow. The freaky bit about it is that almost 12 months to the day later. I did the exact same thing again doing the exact same thing. What can I say. I was blonde as a child 😉

    Where’s Anja – she’d have some suitably freaky stories to tell!

    If at first you don’t succeed try and try again, I suppose. – Evyl

  20. I’ll never tell. *giggles*

    Ahhh. – Evyl

  21. Actually, I’m still giggling about Evyl, clean and jerk (yep, I’m childish) broken wrists and how ze fuck did young Evyl enjoy porn or turn the pages?

    Dearest Evyl, I am so picturing this and I have tears in my eyes from laughing so much.

    Glad that my pain has made someone happy. – Evyl

  22. kiinunobaka Says:

    I was cleaning my room as a child.. tripped over my dirty laundry and landed ass-first on my American Girl Doll’s bed.

    Now.. this was the Samantha doll.. the bed was like a minature four poster.. And the poles had little rounded balls at the stops of them.. so that they weren’t sharp. Which is good… since my butthole landed directly on one of those.. of course my underwear was a little too big “cause you’ll grow into it”

    I was anally attacked by a dolls bed as a child.

    Now that’s freaky. – Evyl

  23. 😆 @ kiinunobaka!!

    I have another one…not all that freaky either…. just dumb.

    When I was a dancer, the dancing studio had traditional wood flooring. One night I was practicing my high kicks….the floor had just been waxed that morning so it was a little slick… needless to say when I kicked my right leg up over my head, my left leg slipped out from under me… causing me to go airborne and then land on my ass… I broke my tailbone!! Had to sit on an inflated donut for a month!

    It still hurts to sit on anything hard. 🙂

    At least you didn’t get a splinter. – Evyl

  24. Hi Evyl,

    I have witnessed two humorous tragedies that I will relate in chronological order.

    When I was a high school Junior, some of the seniors were drinking behind the bleachers at a tractor pull. After what must have been several beers, one of the group was somehow coaxed into inserting his dick into an empty (glass) Coke bottle. Unfortunately for said drunk this excited him and the swollen member wouldn’t come out and soon became painful, or so I’m guessing based on the increasingly loud screams of the owner of the trapped pecker. So, to solve the problem one of the more intellectual members of the group talked the victim into placing the bottle on a tree stump, which he then smashed with a brick. I left before the ambulance arrived, but I heard later that the injuries were grievous.

    Then one day in college, I noticed that a crowd had gathered on a grassy area at the end of a parking lot between two dorms. Upon investigating I found out that the reason for the gathering was to watch streakers, which was at the peak of its popularity at that time. It was a good location as the far end of the dorms made a fine staging area and the U-shaped asphalt drive was good for running and allowed the streaker to wind up where the cloths were left.

    It was a great good time. Until, that is, one fellow, wearing only sneakers and a ski mask, slipped on a bit of loose pavement as he was making the turn, fell face down at full stretch, and slid for several feet. Figuring that he must be seriously injured, the crowd of on lookers surged forward to help him up. Seeing a mob approaching, the naked fellow got up and started running again, although his full frontal road rash had slowed him down a little. Thus, when he tripped and fell again he didn’t slide nearly as far. The third time he went down he barely slid at all. While his sense of balance wasn’t all that good, I do have to give him credit for being tough as he finally managed to make it back to the dorm without assistance.

    the Grit

    One must always be careful where one sticks their dick. – Evyl

  25. Oh yeah… a splinter would have been way worse!! 😛

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