Pre-Election Day Post

For the most part, I stay out of politics around here. I will make the occasional political comment on blogs that blog things political but here is generally not the place for that kind of horseshit. Tomorrow I will go to the polling booth and cast my vote for the asshole of my choice. And I would urge everyone that is able to do the same. Voter turnout sucks in this country. I have a few ideas that could help bring out the vote.

  • Free beer. With every vote you would receive a coupon for a free beer and hot wings at Hooter’s.
  • Education. Get the word out that polling places are mostly presided over by librarian types. Librarian types are closet freaks. Trust me on this one. (Is it just me or does Sarah Palin look like a naughty librarian?)
  • Free Porn. Electronic voting booths could show porn clips between voting screens.
  • A Free Kick In The Nuts. Each Polling place designates a delegate from each party. The winning party’s delegate gets to kick the losing party’s delegate right in the nuts. I can just imagine sitting in Hooter’s drinking my free beer, munchin’ on some hot wings, and watching some douchenozzle getting kicked in the nuts.
  • Voting Lottery. Every vote is given a six digit number. On the night of the election a lottery is held. If all your numbers match then you win a million dollars, if five of the numbers match you win a date with a Hollywood star or starlet, if four of the numbers match you win a date with a midget hooker, if three of your numbers match you will receive oral sex from a toothless crackwhore.
  • Free Candy. Why should trick or treating be just for kids.

I am sure that quite a few more ideas could be effective. But something has to be done.

21 Responses to “Pre-Election Day Post”

  1. In Australia it is compulsory. No vote, get fined.

    I like the idea of freebies, though.

    Somethin’ fer nuthin’ is always good. – Evyl

  2. I’ve kind of got a little fantasy about midget hookers.

    Well, it would have to be a “little” fantasy, now wouldn’t it?

    It’s the small things in life that really matter. – Evyl

  3. I like anja’s aussie problem solver on our so called freedom to vote. It would eliminate the fuckers who don’t vote but complain the loudest for the next 4 years 🙂

    True. And might I add that it is good to see ya back. – Evyl

  4. None of them are worth voting for no matter what country you’re in….they’re all pricks
    I do like the idea of a lottery though!

    At least with a lottery you could be glad about someone winning. – Evyl

  5. I feel like I am kicking my own nutmuffins, whomever I vote for.
    I am going to load the kid and his chair up, and go wait in line to vote. At least it is warm today.
    I would settle for a port -a- pot in the parking lot

    have a good one

    Ain’t that the truth. Have a fun time. – Evyl

  6. Well, Evyl, as you know there are some perks as found on I got my sticker and going to get my free Maverick.

    Yippee Ki Yay. – Evyl

  7. Well hell, they all sound pretty good to me!

    The Trailer Of Love

    Thanks dude. – Evyl

  8. Similar to your kick in the nuts…how about a bullshit dunk tank. One from each party sits in a dunk tank full of cow shit. Line ’em up! Now that’s a good time!!!

    And the best thing is that they make their own bullshit. – Evyl

  9. Doktor Holocaust Says:

    Dude, I think Ben and Jerry’s is reading your blog: they’re giving free ice cream to voters. and i hear tell that Starbucks has something similar going on. No money or midget hookers, but still, ice cream is delicious.

    You can never go wrong with icecream. – Evyl

  10. Hmmm
    i don’t know about the free porn. if you are one of the late voters your fingers might stick to the McCain/Palin button.
    beyond that, every election is a kick in the balls enymore.

    You speak wisdom. – Evyl

  11. I just heard they are giving away at the polls: Krispy Kremes shaped like stars, Starbucks Coffee and other treats.

    Krispy Kremes, now there’s an incentive. – Evyl

  12. Hi Evyl,

    I think we should get the Psychic Friends Network to read everyone’s minds on election day and tell us who won. Just think of all the money we’d save and there would never be a problem with recounts.

    And if we can’t do that, then the Hooters Girls should hand out wings and beer at the polling place. Oh, and maybe some pole dancing strippers could be thrown in. And perhaps a representative from the IRS could be shackled to the wall so people waiting in line could take shots at him/her with paint ball guns. And, and, the electronic voting machines could be programmed to make random snide remarks. And, and, and, the poll watchers should have to dress in gorilla costumes.

    the Grit

    I love the paintball idea. – Evyl

  13. I live in rural Georgia. The ladies that volunteer at the polls have biscuits in the morning, soup at lunch and cake in the evening on a voting day. I’m betting we have one of the best turn outs in the state. Course, I think only about 300 people live in my precinct, but it works for us.

    I’d do a lot of things for a good homemade biscuit. – Evyl

  14. The kick in the nuts and lottery ideas are GREAT. Although I do, not all people enjoy beer and porn. Yes, trust me on that.

    Not everyone enjoys beer and porn? Say it ain’t so. – Evyl

  15. Librarian types, ha! ha! Closet freaks? Really? BAHAHAHAH! Fucking fantastic ideas!

    I should have known that you were a librarian. 😉 – Evyl

  16. well I’m sure those measures would get a lot more people voting……….. lol

    blog bling at my place for you

    Thanks so much darlin’. You are far too kind. – Evyl

  17. I like the lottery idea and the free candy. It would need to be good candy—not any of that Tootsie Roll crap.

    I’m not sure I’d want oral sex with the toothless crackwhore–although not sure with teeth would be any better. I need to think about that one.

    I don’t mind the Tootsie Roll’s so much. As long as it’s not those cheap ass Dot’s, Good and Plenty’s, or those nasty assed root beer barrells. Damn do those suck. – Evyl

  18. Electric cattle prods to the genitals -there’s enough weird people out there who’d find that exciting 😛

    Yeah, Baby!!! – Evyl

  19. For that four-number prize, three words for you my friend, ‘Kat the Midget.’ She rules, she rules, she rocks my socks off. Conversations you never thought possible:

    boyfriend: “Hey babe, check out this totally hot midget stripper chick.”
    girlfriend: “Holy moly! She’s totally awesome, I’d be so okay if you brought her home from a metal festival.”

    Oh, and good luck with the election and all. 😉

    There is not many things that I love more in the world than midget strippers. – Evyl

  20. I went to the porn shop after I voted……does that count for a reward for voting??

    Hells Yeah!!! – Evyl

  21. Have you seen Shallow Hal? One of my fav’s. I believe he dates some librarian freaks, or some “shy quiet” girl who tries to tie his ass up at her house. Am I thinking about the right movie? I love that movie anyhow, I may just have to re-watch it! “What is this chair made of!!!!????” —- “Um, steel!” Priceless 😉

    Shallow Hal is a great movie and I do believe that scene is in there. I love the big panty scene. – Evyl

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