Just Another Day At The Office

As I am an empathetic soul, I often receive requests from inmates on everything from phone calls to sick loved ones, to requests for trustee jobs, or to move to a different cell block. Yesterday I received one such request.

A male inmate wrote a request stating that he was a Christian and was offended by the vulgar and offensive language that he was subjected to in his cell block. He therefore requested to be moved to the female dorm.

I called the inmate to my office to lend an empathetic ear to his situation. As he sat in the chair across from my desk, I held the request up and asked him, ‘What in the flying fuck is this bullshit?’ He explained that it was his attempt at humor and that he really wanted to see if there was a religious dorm that he could be moved into from his current housing that was filled with godless criminals. I asked him if I looked like I had a sense of fucking humor. Obviously he was at a loss to see one in me at the time. I further explained that this was prison not a religious retreat and that if he wished to join a religious commune than he should have thought of that before he fucked up and got his ass thrown in here.

Hopefully he has seen the light. But chances are I will have more oppurtunities to see his fucktarded sense of humor.

16 Responses to “Just Another Day At The Office”

  1. JEEZ

    ‘Zactly. – Evyl

  2. Hi Evyl,

    I had no idea that, as having an office indicates, you are one of the evil rich blood sucking bastard class. I am impressed.

    As to the twit you mention, I’m thinking that he should be transfered to one of those religious cults where they have their balls cut off and spend their evenings flogging themselves while waiting for the end of the world. At least that way the public wouldn’t have to shell out to feed the idiot.

    the Grit

    Evil bloodsucking bastard, yes. Rich, no. Sadly a career in corrections does not equal big money. – Evyl

  3. Oh, for goodness sake give the boy his wish and send him to live with in the religious dorm where they perform human sacrifice.
    Go on, then everyone will be happy 😛

    If we only had one of those religions represented I would gladly have indulged him. – Evyl

  4. Those women would eat him alive. He should be careful what he asks for. He might get it one day!

    I would love to follow you around on your work day sometime. I bet I would have lots to blog about afterwards!

    There’s rarely a dull moment. – Evyl

  5. The women probably have worse mouths on them. You should make him worship you like we all do! 😉

    I do not think that he would survive the female inmates. For that matter neither would I. I am far too pretty to be locked up with 48 love starved female convicts. – Evyl

  6. hahahaa! Poor guy . .

    He never knew what hit him. – Evyl

  7. Place him in a cell with a Robert De Niro/Max Cady type character who speaks in tongues when he sodomizes goats. That should be an ‘uplifting’ experience for him.

    While playing ‘Climb Every Mountain’ in the background. – Evyl

  8. I woulda thought there’d be plenty of inmates having religious experiences for him to bunk in with…… especially coming up to parole hearings……… 😉

    lucky he’s got you to set him back on the right path aye?

    True, if only I were appreciated. – Evyl

  9. Doktor Holocaust Says:

    because, as we all know, the Religious Dorms in prisons are filled with kindly old priests who are always happy to have a new altar-boy around, good god-fearing criminals who don’t swear so much.

    Just a lot of ‘Oh Jesus’s’. – Evyl

  10. It just amazes me some of the bullshit inmates come up with. I would love to be able to get my food made for me, healthcare that I don’t have to pay for, a gym better than I can afford, and a free education…..

    Though I do love your approach to this fuck knob…Excellently put…

    Thanks. I was recently taken aback by an inmate who refused to be released on a pr bond due to the fact that he had a dental appointment the following week. Many of these inmates wouldn’t get off the shit long enough to go to the store for aspirin much less sit in a doctor’s office and pay for a visit but the minute they are behind bars and the state is paying for it, then they become the worlds biggest hypochondriac’s. – Evyl

  11. Imagine if he knew your blog “handle” EVYL! He’d probably shit his Christian self…..

    I have seen inmates piss on themselves while I was advising them but never shit on themselves. Maybe one day. – Evyl

  12. I wonder how much street cred he gets for pissing you off? lol 2 cigs? 3 cigs?

    What would make you think that I was pissed off? It actually was quite enjoyable. – Evyl

  13. Holy fuck?! Doesn’t he know women can talk shit just as much as men? Too funny Evyl. You rock!

    Actually in my experience women talk for more shit. And thank you. – Evyl

  14. You’ve really got to admire this clowns optimism!
    LMFAO….I love these little work snippets you post…they brighten my day no end

    I’m glad that you like them. I try not to post to many of them as not to bore people but sometimes something comes along that just has to be posted. – Evyl

  15. You mean there ISN’T a Christian cellblock?

    Nope, we don’t cater to any factions. All fucktards are treated equally. – Evyl

  16. You just can’t make that kind of shit up.
    Your q&a session with him was classic Evyl. {rotflmfao}
    Time to write a book dude.
    I’m already thinking of a few working titles . . .

    It would be nice to have the patience to write a long book. Short blog posts are about all that I have patience for. – Evyl

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