Cut The Pee-Pee Off

Last week a transport driver was out so I filled in. After a four hour trip, my partner and I picked up a van-load of inmates. Prior to getting on the van, the inmates had to be strip searched and then restrained in handcuffs, belly chains, and leg irons. I handled the task of strip searching the inmates and then sending them out to be restrained by my partner.

One of the inmates seemed a little shy on the strip search, he reluctantly stripped and I went through the procedure. I had him spread his arms extended to his sides with fingers spread open and rotate the palms to see both sides of his hands. I had him open his mouth, raise his tongue, and expose his gums. I had him show the back of his ears. I had him run his fingers through his hair. And then came the part where I have him pull back his foreskin, if he is uncircumcised, and left his nutsack. This is when I notice the dude has no dick. He has a nutsack and a little indention where a dick my be hiding up in there. But he has no visibly protruding dick.

I didn’t ask him about his lack of dick. I’m an asshole but I try not to be a total fucking prick unless the situation calls for it. Surely the dude has caught enough shit in his life for having no dick.  I simply finished the search having him turn around, show me the bottoms of his feet, and squat and cough.

Now I really hope this inmate doesn’t get into any trouble. As you might have read in one of my posts, I am the Disciplinary Hearing Officer and am in charge of dealing out punishment to offenders who have broken the rules at the facility. When my boss asks me about any hearings, I always tell him that I found the inmate guilty and cut his pee-pee off. I hope this dude stays out of trouble because there is no way that I can cut his pee-pee off.

16 Responses to “Cut The Pee-Pee Off”

  1. I don’t know how you kept from saying anything. A true professional.

    Just when you think that you have seen it all, something new pops up. But it’s all in a days work. – Evyl

  2. I don’t know if I could handle a job where I hat to handle some dude’s junk.

    I never handle anyone’s junk. I just watch. I have seen some strange things hidden in junk. One is either safe or sorry. – Evyl

  3. How does the guy think if his main brain has been removed? 😛

    Only his cellie knows. – Evyl

  4. How did it get cut off?
    How does he pee?
    How does he have sex? Guess hes the bottom since hes in jail.

    Good to see you remain professional but not tooooo proffesional that you dont tell us lol

    I do not mention any actual names or places. In that I keep professional. – Evyl

  5. I give you a lot of credit for not asking too, but I like that you are not a total “prick” as you said. They are doing the time for their crimes and unless they specifically did something to you, there’s no reason to make it worse. You are a classy guy (but your secret is safe with me).

    I don’t know if it’s classy but I see it that the less trouble that you make then the less trouble you will have. I give everyone a chance to act like a human being and treat them that way until they prove themselves an animal. And then deal with it accordingly. – Evyl

  6. Doesn’t that fall under HIPAA someway? Just wondering. You have proven you can exhibit restraint. I give you credit for that. I’m sure his cellmate’s gonna have questions though.

    He could be quite popular. One never knows. – Evyl

  7. I’m so intrigued. Seriously, you have to find this guy, ask some questions and get back to us. Screw classy. I want the dirt! Show him some good blogger nakedness and see if you get a rise. Just a thought.

    It is a thought. – Evyl

  8. “I once felt sorry for myself, as I had no shoes – until I met a man that had no DICK.”

    That is so true. – Evyl

  9. I was a booking officer for a while and had to strip search a HUGE lady, when I had her lift her breasts I found a surprise. She had $100 bills and meth lining each one in the folds. The funny part is the officer’s missed it on the initial search in the field. As for you not saying anything kudos to you, I am not sure if I could have done it and not at least cracked a smile.

    I hate it when that happens. – Evyl

  10. Hmmm. I’m totally wondering the same as what QB asked. WTH?????? I’m way impressed how you handled it. My curious mind would get the better of me. You seriously rock. Just sayin’


    Thanks darlin’. – Evyl

  11. I think the birds ate his pecker. They’re assholes. Fucking fowls!

    I would have never thought of that. – Evyl

  12. He must of either pissed off his girlfriend..or boyfriend and they got their revenge! Funny ass story!! I need it after yesterday! I was stuck on the inside for 3 effing emergency counts……If they didn’t get it right on the 3rd I was going to jump the fence!

    At least it finally cleared. But that would suck ass. – Evyl

  13. hey Evyl
    I think I dated that guy! hehe
    could be just a small one that only can be seen when needed, and just for a short time. this has got to make ya think that quality verses quanity really is a bunch of bullcrap. He would have to be darn good at oral, to make up for it, just saying.
    how would he pee standing up?

    That last question is a real poser. – Evyl

  14. Evyl, I’m impressed. I’ve encountered a fair few cases of micro-penis in my time and I can’t resist smirking.

    Poor guys. 😉 – Evyl

  15. By any chance was his last name Bobbitt? I hope the guy has enough common sense to be grateful to you. Had you said something, he’d be fucked in more ways than 1. Plus, that’s good karma back to you… seriously.

    I can use all the good karma that comes along. – Evyl

  16. I know what that guy’s asking Santa for at Christmas!

    Is his name Dick Lesswonder? I think I went out with him once!

    Ouch, now that’s harsh. – Evyl

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