Makin’ It Long

I had a dream last night that was even weird for me. I was sent to pose nude for an art class with an overweight midget girl. Before the posing was to start, the instructor asked me if I would like to watch a movie in order to make my dick long. She didn’t say hard, she said long. I said sure if that’s what you want and she led me to a video room with a lot of 80’s movies. No porn just movies from the 80’s. I woke shortly thereafter so I didn’t get to see what movie that I picked or if that movie made my dick any longer or even how the art came out. It left me wondering as I awoke just what movies from the 80’s would make my dick long. (Cue the list.)

  • Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back – I know typical huh? But how can any male resist the effect of Princess Leia in her slave girl bikini? It damn sure ain’t me. It’s amazing how much better she looks without those cinnamon buns on the side of her noggin.


  • Blame It On Rio – Sure the movie sucked but Michelle Johnson had the most remarkable breasts ever seen in a Michael Caine movie. Her breasts were so incredible that it should have been against the law for her to wear a shirt. She made Demi Moore look flat chested and that is quite a feat.


  • Cat People – Another movie that sucked but watching Nastassja Kinski prance around naked more than made up for that. What she lacks in large breasts she more than makes up for with a great ass and when she speaks her accent makes me freakin’ melt. When this movie came out, I remember watching it on HBO with a bunch of my redneck buddies. One of my buddies stated that she just needed a good ol fashioned country fuckin’. Now that’s some words of wisdom. And the fact that you have to tie her up beforehand so she doesn’t rip your face off after she gets her cookies really spice things up.


  • Mannequin – It’s like a guys favorite blow up doll comes to life and it’s Kim Cattrall. And the fact that she has aged so well is one hell of a bonus.



Now there are a lot of movies from the 80’s that could also be on the list such as Risky Business but if anyone includes Tootsie on their list, I’d really wonder.


11 Responses to “Makin’ It Long”

  1. Nice list!! I’d say you were missing me but I was flat chested during most of that decade and it would land your ass in jail………

    Thanks for thinking of me. – Evyl

  2. Demi was flat-chested back then. She vehemently denies it, but she got implants sometime after “About Last Night”. You can clearly see it.

    And Jessica Lang and Geena Davis were kinda hot in Tootsie. Plus I used to have this weird thing for Teri Garr. Um, yeah.

    Teri Garr was hot in Young Frankenstein. I’ll give you that. – Evyl

  3. Doktor Holocaust Says:

    no slasher movies? they’re chock full of sex scenes, albeit very brief ones that end rather messily with something sharp being shoved upwards from underneath the bed and skewering the lovers.

    as for Tootsie, it being on someone’s Erection Movies of the 80s list wouldn’t make me wonder much, but it would make me suspect they either A) have a tranny fetish or B) think Dustin Hoffman is hot on his own.

    I think I was too young to fully appreciate Mannequin when I first saw it. I’ll need to give it another look.

    The 80’s slasher films generally pissed me off by killing off the girls after they had flashed their boobs but before they flashed any bush. Or that’s what happened nine times out of ten. That’s just a waste. – Evyl

  4. I’m supposed to tell you that Weird Science should have been on your list. Kelly Le Brock looks good wet. Now I’m mildly disturbed and shall check it out.

    Kelly LeBrock does like excellent wet. Although having two dudes that can’t even take off their pants to shower with a beautiful woman hurts the movie a bit. But even with that it is an excellent addition to the list. – Evyl

  5. Don’t forget Tawny Kitaen in “Bachleor Party” with Tom Hanks. Kim Cattrall is so hot. See, she’s my age range and still looks fantastic.

    Bachelor Party would have made the list except for one thing. When they stuck the old grizzled nun’s face on the hot chicks body, it left some permanent scarring on my psyche. Perhaps it even made me the man that I am today. – Evyl

  6. I had forgot that was Kim Cattrall in Mannequin. Not that she did anything for me, but I just wanted to say.

    I would have to go the other route…top gun and young guns.

    Hey Dawg, did you see the size of that chicken? Love that movie. – Evyl

  7. Damn I’d be happy to look half as good as Kim Cattrall!!

    She is amazing. But don’t be getting humble on us. – Evyl

  8. Doktor Holocaust Says:

    the 80s slasher movies were a victim of the movie ratings system – if the girls flashed any bush, they’d get slapped with an X/NC-17 rating and most theaters wouldn’t play them and they’d be doomed to small cult followings accrued through advertising in low-circulation horror-video catalogs.

    That rating system is a pain in the ass. Although it has loosened up some in recent years. – Evyl

  9. I can’t believe you didn’t like Leia’s buns. I thought that’s what the big attraction was. No wonder all those girls who tried to imitate her at Halloween, with the big rolls on the sides of their heads, were unsuccessful at love. 😉

    They do make good handles though. – Evyl

  10. I do not know a guy alive who doesn’t lose it over Phoebe Cates’ bikini ditch. (I’m not including the gay guys.) I bet there are still a million dicks out there who get long every time they hear that music score.

    You are most likely correct. – Evyl

  11. apericvictory Says:

    OMG I cant believe kelly le brock was not mentioned, she is lisa from weird science, dang now i got to eat cereal and look at porn and go take care of buissness

    I believe it was already questioned in the comments. I did not include Weird Science because the geeks were an equivalent of a cinematic cock block. – Evyl

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