Heating Up Some Leftovers

I have been busy as hell so rather than pick through what’s left of my frazzled brain cells for a new post, I am going to take the lazy way out and foist out a re-post from my old blog and is actually one of my favorites. It is from the days before I worked in Corrections and became the humble lovable Evyl that I am now.

bettie-page-cowgirl

Forklift Rodeo

For those individuals not familiar with the sport of Forklift Rodeo which is much like bullriding, I will give a few particulars regarding the rules and practice of the sport. First the forks of a large industrial forklift are driven into two stalks of 8″ diameter polyethylene (plastic) pipe about 12′ in length. Secondly, the contestant/victim straddles the two stalks of pipe close to the end of the stalks. Thirdly, a nylon strap approximately 14′ in length is wound around the pipe much like a bullrope and is used to dally the hand the same as a bullrider. Then the forklift operator raises the forks so that the contestant/victim is about 3′ off the concrete floor so that the contestant/victim will not bang the ground with his feet, revs the engine and pops the clutch. This procedure causes the pipe to bounce wildly and gives the contestant/victim one hell of a ride, that most of the time causes him to crash to the concrete floor.

The sport of forklift rodeo had been practiced for a while at the plant but the shift I was on perfected the sport. This was due to the makeup of the people on the shift. First off there is The Supervisor (Known mostly for random acts of stupidity), there was also Bronco Billy, who was the supervisor’s faithful yes-man, J. D., an ex professional bullrider, whose claim to fame was that in the mid-80’s , he was the winner of the Hard Luck Award at the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo, and myself.

You might have actually seen J.D. on television. The footage of his award winning performance has been on more than one clip show, I saw one entitled “Dangerous Games People Play”. He made the full eight seconds but then got hung in the rope and was beat half to death. At times I wondered if he might have been stomped in the head a few too many times but I never doubted his courage. Every one of his stories ended up , “And that is when I ended up at the hospital in (insert name of city here).”

To give everyone a glimpse into the actual practice of the sport, I will relate a story of one event. We were training a new employee and The Supervisor and Bronco Billy convinced the newbie to try out forklift rodeo. J. D. helped dally him down and I took up a spot close enough to the action to innocently spectate but not close enough to actually be injured when the idiot came flying off. After the newbie was strapped in the supervisor took his position as the forklift operator, reved up the engine to a deafening roar, and popped the clutch. On the first bounce, the newbie bounced 10′ in the air and came crashing to the concrete floor. The supervisor and his faithful yes-man stared in horror at the prostrate body of the newbie wondering how they would get the supervisor’s ass out of this crack. I was actually trying to keep a straight face after I saw that he wasn’t dead, I can’t help it if for some perverse reason the pain of others amuses me. That is when J. D. walks over, turns his head and spits tobacco juice a polite distance from the newbies head, and says “Puss”. I did manage to get mostly out of earshot before busting a gut.

( No Idiots were seriously injured or fired during forklift rodeo. And all names have been changed to protect the guilty.)

12 Responses to “Heating Up Some Leftovers”

  1. Oh, I wish there was video of this! LOL.

    It would make one of Shocking Gun’s Dumb shows. – Evyl

  2. woot woot!! haha

    Glad that you liked it. – Evyl

  3. You crazy bastard, hahahaha! You might want to get video, but then consider your job as well. hahaha

    Civil liability issues could be a bitch. – Evyl

  4. That sounds like a hoot!

    It was. – Evyl

  5. A sport I never even thought of. Yes, video would have been nice.

    Too bad they don’t do the whole Wide World of Sports thing anymore. This would fit right in. – Evyl

  6. That reminds me. Take that sport off my list of things to do.

    It is not for everyone. Actually it is not for anyone that values their limbs. – Evyl

  7. Thank God for an office job

    Ain’t that the truth. – Evyl

  8. I can now effectively cross Forklift Rodeo off my things to do list. No thank you kindly. Coyboys is crazy sumbitches!

    My ex-co-worker was one of the craziest. – Evyl

  9. Hi Evyl,

    Crap. That doesn’t sound like nearly as much fun as what the jousting game we used to play back when I worked in a warehouse. It does sound like it’s easier on the forklifts, but who cares about that?

    the Grit

    Zactly. – Evyl

  10. LMAO
    I’ve got some “contestants” who could do with a ride or 3 😉

    It is good for teaching humility. – Evyl

  11. Check your Gmail . . .
    Evyl.
    ~m

    Will do. – Evyl

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