Jack Off #1

Not long ago, I was running a Disciplinary Hearing on an Inmate. The charge was Sexual Misconduct. I brought the inmate in and read the officers charge. The officer stated that this inmate was walking by the bars with his hands down his pants. His pants were moving in an up and down motion in the crotch area. It was the officers opinion that the inmate was masturbating.

I asked the inmate if he wished to plead guilty or not guilty. The inmate plead not guilty. I then asked him to explain his side of the story. The inmate stated that yes he did have his hands down his pants but stated that it was just a habit and he was not masturbating. He also named a witness that could testify to the fact that he was not masturbating.

I took the name of the potential witness and went to go question him. I wasn’t looking forward to it. It seems to me that every inmate witness that I have ever questioned always gives the same bullshit story. It’s always some bullshit about how this inmate is a saved man and would never perpetrate any type of disorderly behavior. But as the officer had also listed an inmate witness, I went out to do my duty.

First I pulled out the witness listed by the officer. This inmate stated that he had seen the charged inmate walking by the bars but could not really tell if he was masturbating. Next I pulled out the witness called for by the inmate at the hearing. The witness was an elderly black man. I told him that I was running a Disciplinary Hearing and the inmate said that he could tell me that he was not masturbating. The elderly black inmate asked the charged inmate’s name again and I told him.

He stated, “That nasty assed motherfucker. I won’t even let that motherfucker sit on my bed. He’s always walking around scratchin’ on his damned balls. That burned out crackhead doesn’t even remember what his junk is for anymore. He wasn’t jacking off. He’s just a nasty assed motherfucker.”

I went back to the Hearing and told the charged inmate that he had the best damned witness that I have ever seen. I informed him that although I found him not guilty that he had better get over his nasty habit and keep his hands out of his pants. Next time he might get more than a couple of days in the hole waiting for a hearing or a few more days in the hole for being found guilty. I explained that next time some inmate would get tired of watching him walking around scratching his balls and beat the living shit out of his dumb ass.

Ahhh, it’s days like this that I live for.

18 Responses to “Jack Off #1”

  1. i wonder if his hands smelled of fresh spring flowers.

    To tell the truth, he was rather malodorous at the hearing. – Evyl

  2. first comment? really ?
    yes!

    *flashes evyl!*

    Hells Yeah!!! – Evyl

  3. nice one Red!

    I was thinking he needs to worry about leaving a little down there…my mom always told my brother if he scratched somethings to much they could eventually just fall off.

    I haven’t gone blind yet. Although I had to get a stronger prescription this year. – Evyl

  4. Oh, yuck! a nasty crackhead scratchin’ and scratchin’……not an image I want to go to sleep with…

    You do have a mighty interesting job there, Evyl.

    It does have it’s moments. – Evyl

  5. Fucking crackheads. Useless fucking wastes of space. If his balls are causing him so much irritation, I’m sure the resident medical officer could remove them. Now there’s a job I wouldn’t mind having.

    If only we could. – Evyl

  6. *shudder*

    got to love his witness though!

    Honesty is always the best policy. Unless someone is asking if the pants make their ass look big. – Evyl

  7. Does he not realise these things will drop off when they’re ripe???
    I’m surprised he didn’t claim he was merely rearranging himself….that’s the excuse most guys come up with isn’t it??
    :mrgreen:

    I really wouldn’t know. I make no excuses. – Evyl

  8. I don’t understand the whole guy scratching/grabbing on themselves all the time. Do you men forget they are there or is it a comfort thing?? Seriously ppl do not see me walking around with my hand on my crotch or hanging on to my tits like it is no big deal.

    But crackie balls ewwww ** shudders ** this is what nightmares are made of??? GROSSSSSS

    I have never ever forgot they were there. – Evyl

  9. Can’t scratch your junk in the pen ? Hell, I’d be in the hole constantly !

    Your cellie would be a happy man. – Evyl

  10. Oh yuck!

    LOL @ Heff!

    Yeppers. – Evyl

  11. Just another beautiful day in the pen, eh? XD

    Some days are diamonds. – Evyl

  12. Hi Evyl,

    I thought scratching one’s balls was a right under the First Amendment? You’d better be careful or the ACLU will have your ass in court.

    Hi Heff,

    Don’t most men try to stay in the hole as much as possible?

    the Grit

    The First Amendment is fairing no better than the Second. – Evyl

  13. Yet, “ball players” on the baseball field can do it on live TV. What’s this world cumming to?

    Punny. – Evyl

  14. James says:

    “What’s this world cumming to?”

    Nice one, James.

    Yeppers. – Evyl

  15. lmao @ the Grit!!

    Yeppers. – Evyl

  16. His witness needs to get something a little extra special for that witness account! Hilarious!!!

    It was a priceless conversation. – Evyl

  17. *eight-ball, corner pocket . . .
    ~m

    Scratch that. – Evyl

  18. Listen, I once heard that 95% of men jerk off. The other 5% are liars.

    I heard it as there is two kind of liars. Those that say they never have and those that say that they have quit. – Evyl

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