Sweet Dreams? Fuck That Fuck That

Last night I had a pleasant dream. I was back at my old job working with a good friend of mine. We were laughing and joking like old times, making fun of our idiot boss, and just getting the job done. When I awoke I realized that would never happen again.

I helped bury my friend four months ago. Carrying his coffin as one of the pallbearers on a cold and bitter day. I had been his friend since elementary school and laying in my warm comfortable bed, I realized that he was gone. He had fought three different battles with cancer. He beat the first two but the brain tumor was insurmountable.

Give me a nightmare any fucking day. One of those bad dreams that jolts you to life in a cold sweat with a silent scream frozen in your throat; Glad that you are fucking alive and free to carry on another day. Not this pleasant dream bullshit that makes you realize that a part of your life will never be relived except in memory and dreams.

You wish me sweet dreams? I say fuck that.

20 Responses to “Sweet Dreams? Fuck That Fuck That”

  1. Evyl. I understand completely. I watched one year ago this month as my friend and coworker was laid to rest from being taken by a brain tumor. He was a Command Sergeant Major of the Marine Corps and former Presidential Guard to the older President Bush. I miss him. We, in my department all miss him. Sorry for the loss.

    And I am sorry for yours. – Evyl

  2. no words can calm that feeling. It is the shitty part of loving people, but worth the grief in time.

    Take your time bro…it will get easier.

    Thanks bud. I appreciate that. – Evyl

  3. I hear you. I was a pallbearer at my best bud’s funeral. It’s not a pleasant gig.

    Sadly this wasn’t my first time at one of these gigs. And you are right, it is never pleasant. – Evyl

  4. Hi Evyl,

    Funerals of good friends and relatives always happen on cold and bitter days. Heck, I’ve helped carry the coffin at least a dozen times, and the only case I can remember that happened in good weather was for someone who died in a farming accident, and even then it rained. All the “natural” deaths happen in winter. It’s the best proof I’ve yet come across that there is a God, and He/She/It is making sure we remember those we’ve lost. It’s also a good reason to stay in reasonably good physical shape – coffins are damn heavy – and keep a set of long underwear handy. Of course, assuming you have friends who you suspect will out live you, it’s also motivation to become grossly over weight and pick a grave plot up hill and as far away from the road as you can find, so their duty as pallbearers will be as difficult as possible. Revenge from beyond!

    Personally, all that somber crap ain’t for me. I want to be cremated, and have friends and family celebrate my passing with a naked urn passing relay race through the middle of town, ending up back at our house for a weekend long drunken wake and orgy. Assuming of course, since I’m sure that day will be cold and bitter, that any of the guests’ naughty bits will still be functional after the naked run.

    the Grit

    After the funeral, some of his closest friends came back, including me, came back to give him a proper send off. We stood around drinking beer and telling stories involving our friend. We managed to slip in a couple of beers and a can of snuff to tide him over before the hole got filled in. – Evyl

  5. I’m so sorry about your friend, and this post is a way of looking at “sweet dreams” that I never thought of before. I hear you…

    Thanks darlin’. – Evyl

  6. Not a good way to start the day and I’m sure he’s been on your mind ever since. I’m so sorry for your loss. Take care.

    Thanks. And I will. – Evyl

  7. Hate that when it happens – wake up and cold, vicious reality hits and it’s fresh grief all over again.

    It happens. Reality can be a cruel taskmaster. – Evyl

  8. Cancer is cruel – to everyone it touches.

    It is. I almost thought him indestructible. Particularly when he beat prostate cancer. But the deck just kept stacking against him. – Evyl

  9. masachisticlamb Says:

    I’m sorry to hear of your loss.

    I am glad you’re back though evyl! I missed you

    It’s nice to be back. I will have to update your link. It’s good to see you around. – Evyl

  10. Sorry to hear of your loss {{HUGS}}

    Thanks. One can never have too many hugs. – Evyl

  11. I am sorry for your loss!! It is shitty but it is life we have to learn to take the good with the bad. Just think as sad and as hard as it is to say good bye to a dear friend he is no longer suffering and in pain. Maybe the dream was his way of saying good bye and letting you know that he is ok and happy.

    Be strong and we are here for you

    Perhaps so. Thanks so much. I appreciate it. – Evyl

  12. Oh honey, I’m sorry to hear that
    😦
    There’s nothing worse than losing someone close….
    {{{hugs}}} for you……

    Thanks darlin’. I appreciate it more than I can say. – Evyl

  13. Fuck the nightmares too man! I hate them both. The only real solution is to stay awake, which seems to be what I’m doing a LOT of lately. Oh, and while we’re telling things to Fuck Off….lets add cancer to that list too!

    So true darlin’. – Evyl

  14. I dream of a day where that shit doesn’t happen. I dream of a day when us shit fucks in science can say, there it is. I dream of a day when I can say to some woman, ” your kid is cured of cancer” I dream of a day when assfucks will not give a shit over embryos who will go down the fucking sink but can be a cure for fuck knows what. I’m sorry, Evyl. I mourn for the loss.

    Thanks Anja. I pray for that day as well. – Evyl

  15. lifeunderacarolinamoon Says:

    So sorry for the loss of your friend. But, friendships help us with the daily load we carry. And, in fime his memory will do that as well…

    One can only hope. – Evyl

  16. Life is funny sometimes.
    Dreams are even funnier.
    Sadly, these kind aren’t.
    So sorry to hear about your friend.
    I’m sure his spirit and soul were honored as you carried him.
    No doubt you ‘carried’ him many times before . . .
    Sorry, Mac
    Prayers going out for your bud
    ~m

    Thanks bud. – Evyl

  17. I’m really sorry to hear that Evyl….Death many times is harder on those left behind than the person knowing they are going to die…..My thoughts are with you bud….((((HHHUUUGGSSS)))))) and nasty ass fuckin dreams….

    Thanks. I appreciate it. – Evyl

  18. Hi Evyl,

    You did good.

    the Grit

    Thanks. – Evyl

  19. I am so sorry about the death of your buddy. I still miss my friend Brenda who died in 1977. In my memory she lives forever. Your friend has immortality of that sort, too, my friend.

    Thanks darlin’. I appreciate it. – Evyl

  20. Well, that just sucks. What a nasty trick your mind played on you. I’m so sorry about the loss of your friend.

    Thanks, Teeni. – Evyl

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