It’s A Duty Asshole

The other day I was summoned to report for Jury Duty at the County Courthouse. I drew a juror number 215 so I wasn’t worried about actually being picked as a juror but I also realized that I was due for a long morning of listening to a great deal of legal bullshit.

While waiting to be called into the courtroom to be seated, I engaged in a small talk with a douchebag that I knew from a while back. He told me that he had never been called for jury duty before and that he thought that it would be cool to sit on a jury. I told him that I had served on a few juries and that it was mostly boring bullshit and the coolness factor was damned near nil.

A short while later, the bailiff started calling the roll to seat the perspective jurors in their seats. I noticed that the douchebag was called in the high one hundred’s so there wasn’t much chance of him being called. Then I finally took my seat in the back row.

The judge started out by reading out the list of qualifications and everyone was qualified so there wasn’t any thinning out at that time. Then he read out the list of exemptions and no one met those either, I suppose anyone that had an exemption just mailed it in. Then the judge asked if anyone had any circumstances that would prevent them from serving at this time.

The fucking douchebag’s hand raised as quickly as the judge opened his mouth. The motherfucker went up and made up some bullshit sob story and the judge let him go. If I didn’t have the respect for the law that I do, I would have gone up there and punched that douchebag right in the fucking mouth. Talking all that bullshit about serving on the jury and then not to have the respect to sit on the fucking uncomfortable wood chairs to a mornings worth of bullshit; asshole-cocksucker-dickwad-motherfuckin’ bitch.

So I sat there and listened to the bullshit, got excused at noon, and collected my eight fucking bucks. Ain’t service to your country grand.

9 Responses to “It’s A Duty Asshole”

  1. Wasn’t there some drug fucked asshole who would have punched out the douchebag for 8 bucks? Drug fucked assholes have no respect for the law, and your 8 bucks *could* be going towards buying the asshole coffee and a bagel – after he punches out the douchebag.

    How about a couple of lines of meth taken from my evidence locker? That should do the trick. – Evyl

  2. “Richard, don’t hide your feelings.” Yeah, he’s an asshole.


    Yeppers. – Evyl

  3. 8 dollars?
    Could get a good coffee for that 😉

    Hells yeah. Or better yet a fuckin’ twelve pack of Lone Star!!! – Evyl

  4. Well that’s hypocrisy in motion my friend. What a twerp. Hey, at least you got your eight bucks, which means you got a pack of smokes and 711 coffee out of it, right? 😉

    I settled for a bottle of Boone’s Farm. Good shit. – Evyl

  5. So I guess you were 100% correct in your description of the guy as a douchebag. Sheesh. I think it is funny that he felt he had to hand you a bunch of crap and then expose what a two-faced liar he really was. Douche. Bag.

    Some people are just that way. Talk themselves up and then shoot themselves down. – Evyl

  6. That blokes lower than a douchebag. He gives douchebags a bad name.
    I personally liked Anja’s Idea. The Douchebag getting a smack in the chops
    and maybe a few broken teeth and the drug fucked asshole getting locked
    up for a few hours, and all for only eight bucks. Sweet.

    Yep. True indeed. – Evyl

  7. Have no fear, the ‘bag’ will ultimately get his.
    You may get the chance to see him in the big house where you work someday. How cool would that be?
    You could seriously fuck him up then.
    Or at least watch him turn into someone’s bitch . . .

    That guy has prison bitch wrote all over him. – Evyl

  8. Hi Evyl,

    Last time I had jury duty they kicked me out early because I dared question why we the people had to be there at eight but the judges didn’t bother to show up until nine. Well, that and because I bothered to mention that since they should know in advance, assuming that they bothered to do the calculations, how many people they would need for each trial, and when, that the idea of making several hundred people waste thousands of man hours just in case the justice system farted faster than expected was really stupid. Oh, and I also questioned the need to continue the employment of the civil servant who’s only duty was to read the card explaining our duty and to send x number of us to court room y when some judge yanked his chain.

    Actually, now that I think back on it, I do believe said self important individual was on the verge of threatening me, until I mentioned that I was planning on discussing this situation with the Mayor when we had lunch the next week to discuss how to handle updates to his donor list. Oh, and it seems like I also mentioned that I was working on a program for his boss’s boss to send problem employees to an intensive training program designed to teach them how to be nice to the general public through a week long survival trek through some nasty wilderness where they had to bond together and help each other just to stay alive, with people who failed the course being let go for not being “team players.” Of course, none of it was true, but, having worked for that government, I did know what names to drop and the key insider words to mention. and the fuck almost shit his pants before asking, politely, if I’d like to be excused. Yes, I am basically evil, but I try to use my powers for good, just to confuse people.

    the Grit

    The state of Texas in it’s infinite wisdom has taken the job of picking jury pools from the counties to the state government. Therefore there has been an increasing number of names added to the pool of people that are either dead, moved from the county, or felons and other unqualified people. Where once the county called in about eighty to a hundred people to pick the twelve jurors, the state calls in two hundred and fifty. Ain’t government grand? – Evyl

  9. Such intellectualism is to be applauded,Grit. Baffle ’em with it!

    Evyl, the world is full of them. Your constraint is admirable.

    I do try. – Evyl

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