Archive for the Fucking Tags Category

Fuckin’ Up A Meme: Five Questions

Posted in Blog Babble, Evyl's Friends, Fucking Tags, Fun and Games, personal thoughts with tags on February 8, 2009 by Pure Evyl

I have consented to be interviewed by the lovely and talented Anja. As this is a meme, I will list the rules (like I ever fucking follow them) and then on to answer my five little questions.

The rules for anyone else who wants to be interviewed:
1. Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.” (you don’t have to be interviewed if you want to comment)
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. (I get to pick the questions).
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Anja: You’re away on your annual fishing trip with your buddies and you see something caught in weeds. It’s the body of a young girl who has been dead for at least a week. Would you report it immediately? Or would you report the find when you head back in a couple of days?

Evyl: In the modern day, everyone has a cell phone. I would call it in. I would also ask the police officer to let me know the date of the funeral. Perhaps she had a hot older sister or her mother was a MILF and they would be willing to show a little appreciation for my help at bringing closure to their personal tragedy.

Anja: You’re sitting in a diner and the hottest woman on earth sits next to you. She smiles and asks you to follow her to a motel room. It is also your wedding anniversary and your wife will fillet you if you’re late. What do you do?

Evyl: Drew Barrymore is on my list. My wife would understand. It would mean a hit to my pocketbook on jewelry but eventually I could skate by on  this one.

Anja: She’s almost legal age. She’s taking off her top and grabs your hand. What do you do?

Evyl: I work as a Correctional Officer. I see what happens to pedaphiles in prison. There is no way I am going to take a lifetime of getting it up the ass for one night of almost legal sex.

Anja: Your wife promises you a weekend of mind blowing sex, but your buddies have tickets to the sporting event of your choice in corporate seats with free beer. What do you do?

Evyl: It’s according to who my wife has lined up for me to have mind blowing sex with. 😉

Anja: And just for my own curiosity, how old were you when you lost your virginity?

Evyl: As if I can remember that far back. But seriously, I was a late bloomer and was sixteen. I have been a slut ever since.

Fuckin’ Up A Meme: To The Letter

Posted in Blog Babble, Evyl's Friends, Fucking Tags, Fun and Games, love and marraige, personal thoughts, Tasteless Poetry, Theme Music with tags , , , , , , on December 15, 2008 by Pure Evyl

I offered myself up as a sacrifice. I read Anja’s great letter meme and stuck my head on the chopping block by saying that I would kick any letters ass. Sure enough Anja gave me a letter from hell. First off here are the cut and pasted rules of the meme and just for the hell of it, I’ll leave the damn thing in purple and write in purple for the rest of the post.

You leave a comment on this post and I’ll assign you a letter.  You write about ten things you love that begin with your assigned letter, and post it at your place.  When people comment on your list, you give them a letter, and the chain continues on and on.

You DO NOT have to do the meme if you only want to comment. Tell me if you want to do it. Otherwise you will not be tagged.

And what letter do ask did I receive; V. Here goes nothing.

  • Vagina – How do I love the let me count the ways. That damned poet had to be talking about vagina. The sight, the smell, the sounds they make, I love it all.
  • Vicodin – I once had a concussion and was given Vicodin for the pain. What little pain that remained after a good dose didn’t make me a fuck. And that is just what I needed after a good jar to the noggin, the ability to not give a flying fuck.
  • Victoria’s Secret – The catalogue of all catalogues.
  • A Victory Fuck – Besides living well it can be the best revenge.
  • Vienna Sausages – I once did an ode to Vienna Sausages. Here is a refresher for those that haven’t seen it.

Late last night, my heart quickened
For the taste of mechanically separated chicken.
To the Cupboard, My quest began
Searching for that meaty goodness in a can.

I do not spot it but I know it’s there.
I continue my search. I do not despair.
Eureka, I spy, Behind the boil-in-bag rice
Beside the salt, pepper, and spice.

I pull back the lid and peer inside.
Joy of Joy my eyes open wide.
The juice is warm and fluid
Not like goo on the corpse of a Druid.

I tip the jar and drink the brine.
Oh the taste, so mighty fine.
Carefully so carefully, I pull out the wiener
Success, one whole piece, it could come out no cleaner.

My snack complete. I’m off to rest.
Perchance to dream, perhaps of breasts.
But just as I start to nod,
Acid Reflux, Oh My God!

  • Visine – Once upon a time, I never left home without it. It gets the red out. Nuff said.
  • Vodka Tonic with a Twist – There’s nothing quite like it. My favorite way to have tater’s.
  • A quick game of VolleyBoobs –  It’s almost as fun as motorboating.
  • Vaughn – As in Stevie Ray Vaughn and I will let the vid do the talking.

  • Voluptuous Women – Just like a good sports car, I like curves. Although to be perfectly honest. Long and lean works also. To be honest I just like women. Just make this v for very much.

Fuckin’ Up A Meme: 7 More Things

Posted in Blog Babble, Evyl's Friends, Freaks and Friends, Fucking Tags, Fun and Games, On The Net, personal thoughts, superheroes, Television, Theme Music, Twisted Video with tags , , , , , , on November 30, 2008 by Pure Evyl

One of my newest blogmigos, Wayne John, has tagged  me with the ‘7 Things That You Didn’t Know About Me’ meme. Although I have done this one twice, talking about me is one of my favorite subjects so I can’t resist this one.

  1. My favorite cheese comes in a can. Nacho Cheese is liquid cheese food gold. Without Nacho Cheese, nachos are just a bunch of shit stuck on top of chips. With Nacho Cheese, it is a Tex-Mex delicacy of mythic proportion.
  2. I believe that the theme song to ‘True Blood’ has surpassed the theme song to ‘The Love Boat’ as the greatest television theme song of all time.
  3. When nothing else will relax me, I play The Legend Of Johnny Cash and play Spider Solitaire. After the third song, ‘Folsom Prison Blues’ is over, I am completely relaxed and Spider Solitaire is my bitch.
  4. The first blog that I visit in the day is the Bug Eyed Blog in order to try my hand at Earl’s daily trivia quiz. I’m not a world beater at it but I don’t do to shabby either.
  5. I am one of the few people in the blogosphere that isn’t a writer or thinks they are a writer. When I head to my room to get on the computer, I tell my wife that I am going to fuck off. And that is exactly what the fuck I am doing. And damn ain’t it fun.
  6. I believe that Alex Winter carried Keanu Reeves in ‘Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure’ and find it a shame that he hasn’t had a bigger career.
  7. I have the ability to say the craziest damn shit with a completely straight face. People never really know if I am kidding or serious. It can make for great entertainment.

Fuckin’ Up A Meme: 7 Weird Things

Posted in Blog Babble, Evyl's Friends, Fucking Tags, Fun and Games with tags on October 12, 2008 by Pure Evyl

The lovely and talented Average Chick has tagged me with the 7 weird random facts about me meme. Although I think that I have already done this tag, I will give it another shot. If I repeat anything, I’m sorry but I’m too damned lazy to go and check out my last version of this tag.

  1. I am a fairly decent cook. My specialties include barbecue and desserts. Ask Writer Chick about my famous cookie recipe.
  2. I have the record at my high school for the most unnecessary roughness penalties in football. This is not official but it is a record that I hold near and dear.
  3. When my grand-daughter is visiting watching this video, is about the only thing that I can accomplish on the computer.
  4. I once barbecued during a tornado warning. The wife and kids were out of town. and I was sitting in the back yard smoking ribs. The siren squealed and fire trucks were driving by telling people to get under cover. The neighbors looked funny when they climbed out of their cellar and I was sitting by the pit, drinking a cold beer.
  5. I have a green thumb. All of my houseplants have been rescued from people with black thumbs and I have resurrected them from near death to flourishing greenery. I learned this technique back during my single days; stale beer and cigarette butts make for great plant food.
  6. I don’t really care for dogs that much but for some reason dogs are attracted to me. Strays will travel blocks out of the way to check me out and I can’t hardly visit friends with dogs without being pawed, licked, or jumped all over. It is like some strange Dr. Doolittle shit. The same holds true with small children.
  7. One of my favorite activities is irritating my wife. It is easy to do and provides hours of enjoyment. (When she becomes pissed off enough to leave me to my own devices.)

Fuckin’ Up A Tag: That’s Right, I’m Smilin’

Posted in Blog Babble, Evyl's Friends, Fucking Tags, Twisted Video with tags on October 6, 2008 by Pure Evyl

The lovely and talented Teeni has tagged me with a meme. I can’t resist fuckin’ up a tag and this one is a no fuss no muss meme. The tag states to simply post a couple of video’s that make me smile. Here it goes:

First off a Christmas Classic from SNL:

Next up is two things that make me smile.

Here’s one dedicated to my good friends, the mutants at table nine.

Who says Jeopardy ain’t funny?

Fuckin’ Up A Meme: 4’s

Posted in Evyl's Friends, From Blogs, Fucking Tags, Fun and Games with tags on September 24, 2008 by Pure Evyl

The lovely and talented MJ has tagged me with the 4’s meme. It’s been awhile since I fucked up a meme, so here it goes.

4 Things I Did Today

  • During a disciplinary hearing, I handed an inmate a Kleenex because he was crying like a baby over being in the hole, to prove I had a heart. Then I sentenced him to the maximum time allowed for the offence in the hole to prove that I don’t have a heart.
  • Woke up before the alarm clock rang. Damn I hate it when that happens.
  • Put an inmate on the wall and strongly ‘advised’ him in the proper procedure for pulling his fucking head out of his damned ass.
  • Chewed Nicorette Gum until my jaws hurt.

4 Things On My To Do List

  • Tear out the radio in my wife’s car and stop all form of news from reaching her ear. KC and the Sunshine Band are coming to a nearby city and I know she will give me unmitigated hell if I don’t take her. Disco fucking sucked back then and now I would imagine that if these fuckers shake, shake, shake their fucking booty then they will break, break, break a fucking hip.
  • Hire a midget stripper for my brothers bachelor party.
  • Continue training for a spot in a professional Spider Solitaire Tournament.
  • Supplant He-Man as the Master of the Universe.

4 of My Guiltiest Pleasures

  • Getting shit faced and listening to REO Speedwagon while yelling PUSSY to the speakers.
  • Barbacoa. Damn do I love that shit. Nothing like a good chunk of cow head to start the day off right.
  • Two Words: Free Porn!!!
  • Shiner Bock. It is truly the nectar of the gods.

4 Random Facts About Me

  • I am a grandfather and my granddaughter calls me Pops. My wife is dying for another grandchild because our granddaughter ignores everyone but me when I am around.
  • Most people are scared of me until they get to know me and then to know me is to love me. Don’t believe it, just ask me.  
  • I am a hellicious cook. From barbecue to baking and all kinds of dishes in between, I kick some ass. Except gravy, I can’t cook gravy to save my fucking life.
  • Here is the only picture that I will allow of myself to be posted on the internet. I posted it on another blog back in ’06 and will never allow another to be posted. I haven’t changed a whole lot except for completely shaving my noggin and my goatee.

Fuckin’ Up A Meme: The Bucket List

Posted in Blog Babble, Fucking Tags, Fun and Games with tags on August 13, 2008 by Pure Evyl

Teeni tagged me with a meme. As it has been awhile since I fucked up a meme, I am reveling in the opportunity. So here is my Bucket List.

Top 8 Things To Do Before I Kick The Bucket

  1. Have a porn starlet scream my name on video. And I mean something that wankers have to buy not the free porn shit.
  2. Donkey Punch Tori Spelling.
  3. Win the Pillsbury Bake Off with Crescent Roll Wrapped Bull Testicles and Cream Gravy.
  4. Inherit the keys to the Playboy Mansion. Has anyone else noticed that Hef is starting to look like Mr. Burns from the Simpson’s?
  5. Be named Poet Laureate of the United States for my mastery of Fuck You Haiku.
  6. Star in a Live Action remake of Captain Caveman.
  7. Have a mold of my cock made into a top selling dildo so that women everywhere can scream my name and not just some porn queen.
  8. Total Global Domination!!!

Fuckin’ Up Another Meme: Six Little Words

Posted in Blog Babble, Evyl's Friends, For The Freaks, Fucking Tags, Fun and Games, gifs, love and marraige, Tasteless Toons, Theme Music, Twisted Video with tags on June 20, 2008 by Pure Evyl

That sweet little sadist Anja has tagged me once more with the Six Word Memoir Meme and I am supposed to link here since that’s where it started. Okay here it goes in five pics and a vid.

 

Born

Childhood

Teen Years

Twenties

Marriage

Near Future (Waiting To Die As A Grizzled Wal-Mart Greeter)

And now to tag somebody. Hey ~m, this looks right up your alley.

Fuckin’ Up Another Tag

Posted in Blog Babble, Evyl's Friends, For The Freaks, Fucking Tags, Fun and Games, Twisted Video with tags , , , , on June 15, 2008 by Pure Evyl

Damn, I have been freakin’ tagged once again. Since I was tagged by a blogger that I would consider to be more like me than any female that I have ever met on the blogosphere, I will indulge her. And yes Anja, I still love you.

10 Years Ago: Hell I can barely remember what I had for fucking breakfast yesterday morning asking me what I was doing ten years ago is one hell of a stretch. If I remember clearly, I still had a little hair left on my noggin. And although I was one handsome motherfucker, I was not the total figure of awesomeness that I am now since I grow better looking each time I look in the mirror.

Five things in todays ‘to do list’:


1. I have to run a disciplinary on an inmate that chunked a tv at another inmate and then tried to stab him with a pencil. Oh yeah that should be fun. Running disciplinaries and advising problem inmates of their fucktarded ways is one of the highlights of my job.

2. Work on a lesson plan for training officers on how to deal with these problem children. Training future Evyl’s is a duty that I attend to with relish.

3. This

4. Beg for Sex.

5. I’ll most likely have to beg for sex twice.

Snacks I enjoy:

 Pork Rinds and Cold Beer. No that’s not quite right that is what I prefer for breakfast. For a snack it is Cheeto’s and Potted Meat.

Things I would do if I was a millionaire:

I have a dream of buying the Freeman Addition in my town. Since integration in the late ’60s, there has been a steady decline in the population of the Freeman Addition. Now there is only two or three houses that are actually occupied there. I would like to be the whole section. I would rebuild the old integrated Schoolhouse to give the ex-students a place to come back for reunions. I would donate a big chunk to the Baptist Church that is there and I would build a Par Three Golf Course with topless beermaids traveling from hole to hole in a party cart serving cold beer to all the golfers. Yes, history, charity, spirituality, beauty, and refreshments in one humble little village.

Places I have lived:

I was born and raised in a small rural area of West Texas and after years of traveling, I moved back to my old hometown to raise a family. I will not indulge my travels specifically due to the fact that I may be wanted by either law enforcement, unwed mothers, jealous husbands, scorned women, or Radical Anti-Animal Husbandry activists. Suffice it to say that I have lived in big cities, the mountains, the forest, and the armpit of hell.

Now that I have fucked up another tag, I hope that Anja still loves me.