Archive for the Happiness Category

Fuck You Haiku: Fuck Your Dog

Posted in Haikus, Happiness, Tasteless Poetry with tags on May 7, 2009 by Pure Evyl

Fuck Your Dog

(The Bicyclist’s Revenge)

cycling down the street

your yapping piece of shit dog

eats my billy club

Life’s Too Short

Posted in Advice and Guidance, Crazy Fuckers, Happiness, love and marraige on April 5, 2009 by Pure Evyl

I found out yesterday that one of my co-workers and his wife are involved in an alternate lifestyle. Frankly I was quite shocked. Not that they would want to be swingers but due to the fact that I think both of them are highly lucky that they found one person that would fuck them. It seems that finding someone else that would fuck either of them would be highly unlikely. I guess it proves what I always say, ‘It’s a sick world and I’m a Happy Man and Life’s too short too swing with ugly people.

More Fun With LOL Boobs

Posted in For The Freaks, Fun and Games, Happiness, LOL's with tags on February 15, 2009 by Pure Evyl




Call Me Dr. Feelgood

Posted in For The Freaks, Happiness, In The News, Medical, On The Net with tags on January 9, 2009 by Pure Evyl

I recently heard of a scientific study that proves what I have known all along. My cock is better than a happy pill.

These findings prove that splooge makes women happy. And hell’s yeah, I do love to spread happiness. Now if only they can prove that it’s effects are best when taken orally.

Give Me My Vitamins

Posted in Advertising, Happiness, personal thoughts, Twisted Video with tags , , on December 10, 2008 by Pure Evyl

I feel young again just watching this commercial.

Tasteless Poetry: Episode XXIII

Posted in Bullshit, For The Freaks, Fun and Games, Happiness, Holidays, Tasteless Poetry, Theme Music with tags , , , , , on December 9, 2008 by Pure Evyl

You asked for it. You got it. Sing along to the tune of White Christmas.


A Pabst Blue Ribbon Christmas

I’m dreaming of a Pabst Blue Ribbon Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know 
Where the beer cans glisten, 
and barflies listen 
To hear drunks pissin’  in the snow 

I’m dreaming of a Pabst Blue Ribbon Christmas 
With every Christmas song I hear 
May your days be merry with beer
And the beer don’t spill while shifting gears.

I’m dreaming of a Pabst Blue Ribbon Christmas 
With a crackwhore in spandex tights
May your wifebeater be shiny and bright
And may all your Christmas meth be white

Fog The Mirror

Posted in crime and punishment, Happiness, Life's Questions, Prison with tags on December 1, 2008 by Pure Evyl

There is a new employee at the facility that to be quite frank is not the brightest crayon in the box. Gathered in the security office before shift change, the new employee notices a mirror. The mirror is at the end of a long handle and has wheels underneath. Such as the mirror shown below.


We use the mirror to look under vehicles entering the facility for contraband. As there has been some misadventures in extra food and assorted contraband leaving the kitchen, a mirror was brought inside to aid in looking under the food carts.

The gullible new employee asked what the mirror was used for and how to use it. The Sergeant explained to the new employee that it is a new aid for strip searches. That it could be wheeled under the inmate as he squatted and coughed to make visual identification of contraband easier.

I was impressed with the answer of the Sergeant and added for the new officers instruction that not only was it an aid to visually check for contraband but that another thing to look for was is the mirror fogged up or not. If the inmate squatted and coughed and the mirror fogged up then all was fine but if the mirror did not fog up then there was some obstruction in the inmate’s anus and that the inmate would need to be checked further with a cavity search and that he should inform the shift supervisor.

I was proud of the Sergeant. He kept a straight face throughout my instructions to the new employee. It does a heart proud when training pays off.

Minty Fresh My Ass

Posted in For The Freaks, Happiness, Love, personal thoughts with tags , , on November 10, 2008 by Pure Evyl

I was grocery shopping this weekend and something caught my eye that really made me call bullshit. It seems that someone has came up with a scented toothbrush. I scratched the little scratch-and-sniff patch and it smelled like toothpaste. Well actually it smelled like mint but since 98% of toothpaste is mint flavored to me it just smelled like toothpaste. Why in the fuck anyone would buy a toothpaste flavored toothbrush is beyond me. Is it for people too cheap to buy toothpaste? If so wouldn’t they be too cheap to pay extra for flavor?

I can think of only one scented toothbrush that I would buy and that’s Pussy. I think that a pussy scented toothbrush would be fucking awesome. And not just one pussy scent but a plethora of different scented pussy. Every morning you could go to work and breath on co-workers and they would think that you are one rug-munchin’ motherfucker. One day they would tell you, ‘Man that is some sweet smellin’ pussy’, the next day they could say, ‘Damn dude that is some spicy pussy’, and another day they could say, ‘Fuck Dude that is some funky assed pussy’ and to that you could say, ‘Hells Yeah, You have to eat that pussy to see if it’s good enough to fuck.’

It would also be handy when coming out of a bar. Just brush your teeth with a pussy scented toothbrush. When a cop pulls you over and smells your breath, he is not going to ask you how much you have had to drink, he is going to ask you about that sweet smelling pussy.

Now if they will just put KittyCrest on the market.

Tasteless Poetry: Episode XXII

Posted in Haikus, Happiness, Holidays, Tasteless Poetry with tags on November 8, 2008 by Pure Evyl

I thought that I would jumpstart the Thanksgiving blogging season with a little Thanksgiving Fuck You Haiku.

I’ll Take Mine With Gravy

A Dominatrix

At the Thanksgiving’s Day Feast

Spanking my giblets.