Archive for the Medical Category

Yabba Dabba Doo

Posted in Advertising, Crazy Fuckers, For The Freaks, Medical on April 6, 2009 by Pure Evyl

I saw a commercial recently for Flintstone Gummy Vitamins. It seems that they contain Choline which is a nutrient found in breast milk. I started laughing my ass off. My wife gave me one of her patented, ‘What the fuck is it now’, looks. I explained to her that it made me think of that old gum ‘Squirt’; that was the gum that had a liquid center that oozed out when you bit into it. I could picture in my mind some crumb-cruncher biting into a Flintstone Gummy Vitamin as breast milk exploded into their mouth. I also believe that if an actual breast milk filled vitamin came onto the market, pervs the world over would be a lot healthier.

Call Me Dr. Feelgood

Posted in For The Freaks, Happiness, In The News, Medical, On The Net with tags on January 9, 2009 by Pure Evyl

I recently heard of a scientific study that proves what I have known all along. My cock is better than a happy pill.

These findings prove that splooge makes women happy. And hell’s yeah, I do love to spread happiness. Now if only they can prove that it’s effects are best when taken orally.

A Short Pause For The Cause

Posted in gifs, Medical with tags , on October 29, 2008 by Pure Evyl

Sorry folks but I am afraid that I have to take a short pause for the cause. I have came down with a little bout of some intestinal virus. Suffice it to say that it’s the shits. I’ll be back when I am feeling better but for now I thought that I would leave you with a little joke.

A man goes to his doctor and says, “Everytime that I look in the mirror, I get an erection. What’s wrong with me Doc.”

The Doctor looks at the man and tells him, “It’s because you look like a pussy.”

Warning: It Could Be The Drugs

Posted in Blog Babble, Medical, personal thoughts with tags on August 18, 2008 by Pure Evyl

I had been feeling more and more like dog-shit through the weekend. Today I left work early and went to the clinic. It seems that I have an upper respiratory infection. I got a shot in the hip and a prescription for an antibiotic. When the doc went to prescribe me a cough suppressant, she started writing down those damn pearl cough pills. I let her know that those pills are like freakin’ tic-tac’s and do not do a thing for my cough. Low and behold she relented and prescribed me a kick ass cough syrup. (Codeine and Promethazine)

Some of the side effects of this lovely elixer are confusion, agitation, hallucinations, and unusual thought or behavior. So if in the next few days some of my posts or comments leave you wondering, it’s the drugs. That’s my story and I am sticking to it.

Most likely even if I exhibit these side effects no one will notice. They pretty much describe my usual style.

God Of Cock

Posted in Bullshit, For The Freaks, Medical, Spirituality with tags on July 30, 2008 by Pure Evyl

A couple of comments from the previous post got me to thinking. Yes there was porn in Ancient times from the Kama Sutra, to the Roman coins, to ancient Japanese drawings, to the licentious behavior of the Greek and Roman Gods. But no ancient figure whether real or mythological seems to have a greater chance of revival in modern times than the god, Priapus. Priapus was a minor god back then but today he would be a porn superstar. Besides the fact that he was a fertility god, protector of livestock,fruit plants and gardens, Priapus is best known as the God Of Cock. He was always pictured or sculpted with a huge hard on. This gives rise to the modern medical term priapism. (A stiffy that lasts for longer than four hours.)

In the 1980’s, The St. Priapus Church was founded to worship the cock. Although it’s members are mostly homosexual, I have always found a certain religious ecstasy when nubile female acolates would kneel and pay homage at my alter.

Real Men Call It Cock

Posted in Crazy Fuckers, crime and punishment, Medical, Prison with tags on June 20, 2008 by Pure Evyl

An inmate came into medical complaining that his ‘wee-wee’ hurt and that his butthole was dripping. The nurses in the medical department took a urine and a stool sample and sent them off to the lab for analysis. Now I am not a fucking doctor but just from the inmates description, I feel that I could determine a few helpful pointers for this inmate.

  • Quit sticking your dick in places it doesn’t fucking belong. Like your cellies nasty ass.
  • It is a rear exit not a damned entrance. And if you can’t give up the asslove but don’t want splooge dripping out of your ass, then tell your cellie to pull out and blow it on you and not in you.
  • No one, and I repeat, NO ONE over the age of five should refer to their cock as a wee-wee. It is a cock, prick, or dick. Pecker is somewhat acceptable and if one is in a clinical setting then calling it a penis is perfectly alright. But under no circumstances do you ever call it a fucking wee-wee.

Panther Piss

Posted in Bullshit, Medical, personal thoughts, Popular Culture with tags , , , on June 2, 2008 by Pure Evyl

I was watching the old boob tube and one of those damned new medication commercials popped up. I forget the name of the medicine but it was for RA. What in the fuck is up with that? I can remember when diseases and ailments had real motherfucking names not just some damned initials. I can remember when RA was still called Rheumatoid Arthritis. Hell, I can remember when it was just called Rheumatism and the only comfort from it was a big dose of corn liquor.

It was vividly portrayed in that epistle of cultural diversity, The Beverly Hillbillies. Granny was known from Bugtussle to Beverly Hills for her extra special Rheumatiz Medicine. Come to think of it I have been a little creaky in the old joints as of late. Perhaps I should just get me a big ol’ snort of some good ol’ Panther Piss.

Jerk For The Cure

Posted in Fun and Games, Happiness, In The News, Medical with tags , on April 28, 2008 by Pure Evyl

A dear friend, in concern for my health, sent me the following news article. I would be remiss if I didn’t share it with you, in my concern for the health of you and yours, my dear freaks and friends.

BBC News has reported that frequent masturbation may help men cut their risk of contracting prostate cancer, Australian researchers have found. It is believed that carcinogens may build up in the prostate if men do not ejaculate regularly. The researchers surveyed more than 1,000 men who had developed prostate cancer, and 1,250 men who had not. They found that men who had ejaculated the most between the ages of 20 and 50 were the least likely to get cancer. Men who ejaculated more than five times each week were a third less likely to develop prostate cancer.

Now that’s the kind of research that really deserves a hand. So if you see the sign below on my door, I just might just be doing a little self-medicating.

It Just Ain’t Right

Posted in Life's Questions, Medical, personal thoughts with tags on April 19, 2008 by Pure Evyl

Sometimes I really have to wonder about the people that give out medical and anatomical names. Like this.

Why the powers that be think that a small opening in my digestive system should share the name of Garfield the Cat’s pooch pal’s asshole, is beyond me.