Archive for the Medical Category

Jerk For The Cure

Posted in Fun and Games, Happiness, In The News, Medical with tags , on April 28, 2008 by Pure Evyl

A dear friend, in concern for my health, sent me the following news article. I would be remiss if I didn’t share it with you, in my concern for the health of you and yours, my dear freaks and friends.

BBC News has reported that frequent masturbation may help men cut their risk of contracting prostate cancer, Australian researchers have found. It is believed that carcinogens may build up in the prostate if men do not ejaculate regularly. The researchers surveyed more than 1,000 men who had developed prostate cancer, and 1,250 men who had not. They found that men who had ejaculated the most between the ages of 20 and 50 were the least likely to get cancer. Men who ejaculated more than five times each week were a third less likely to develop prostate cancer.

Now that’s the kind of research that really deserves a hand. So if you see the sign below on my door, I just might just be doing a little self-medicating.

It Just Ain’t Right

Posted in Life's Questions, Medical, personal thoughts with tags on April 19, 2008 by Pure Evyl

Sometimes I really have to wonder about the people that give out medical and anatomical names. Like this.

Why the powers that be think that a small opening in my digestive system should share the name of Garfield the Cat’s pooch pal’s asshole, is beyond me.

Fuck Face

Posted in For The Freaks, Life's Questions, Medical on October 29, 2007 by Pure Evyl

I recently read the story of a woman who had plastic surgery to reconstruct her lips after a serious burn accident. The doctor reconstructed her lips using tissue from her labia. This brings up a few questions for me.

  • Would it be okay to call her fuckface?
  • Would her mouth need foreplay before she gave a blowjob?
  • Could she be cited for indecent exposure by not wearing a veil?
  • When excited would her mouth water?

I could probably think of more but for now, these should suffice in keeping my mind busy.

Drink And Smoke And Don’t Come Home At All

Posted in End Of The World, In The News, Medical, personal thoughts on August 15, 2007 by Pure Evyl

cigs-and-brew.jpg

If someone slips this shit in my beer, then they are due for one hell of an ass whuppin’. To paraphrase Grace Slick, ‘One Pill makes you larger, and one pill makes you small. But one pill that makes me give up booze and smokes, I have no use for at all.’

Theeory of Relativity Move Over

Posted in For The Freaks, Medical, personal thoughts, sex terms on June 7, 2007 by Pure Evyl

While researching facts for my soon to be released tragi-comedy concerning one mans’s heroic victory over traumatic masturbatory syndrome only to fall victim to a tragic cock ring implosion, I came across this website  and was astounded. According to these jack off experts, there is a scientific formula that tells us how often is normal for men to masturbate.

M=8-(2*I)

Okay, M stands for masturbation frequency and I stands for Weekly Intercourse frequency. Therefore, I am assuming that in order not to have to jerk off, a guy has to get laid four times a week, since these guys have discovered that one fuck equals two jerks. Although I have my doubts on the varacity of their figures, I must admit that they are the experts and this formula is probably based on normal people because some fucks are probably with three or four good jerks and some jerks aren’t worth half a fuck, and some fucks aren’t as good as a good jerk and some good jerks are worth a fuck and a half. I suppose the numbers could show anything at all as figures don’t lie but liers and fuckers do figure, and some jackoffs could fuck up a wet dream and throw the whole formula into total disarray.

Which leads me to the question. What the fuck was I talking about anyway?

So That is What They Mean By Out Patient

Posted in In The News, Medical, personal thoughts on February 9, 2007 by Pure Evyl

witch-doctor.gif

Click the pic for just one more reason for my hatred of modern medicine as practiced today. Medical Ethics, my fucking ass.

Can I Put That Balloon On A Stick

Posted in Medical, Odd News on January 31, 2007 by Pure Evyl

93-lb-tumor.jpg

In Tulsa, Oklahoma, a 32 year old woman had tried numerous diets prescribed by various doctors in an attempt to lose weight. Nothing seemed to work until recently when she had a 93 pound tumor removed from her ovary.

Now I am no fucking doctor but how big of a fucking idiot do you have to be to miss a 93 pound blob of crap sitting in a patients damned gut.

Cool pic though. Just click it and get the full scoop.