Archive for the movie reviews Category

Makin’ It Long

Posted in famous people, Fun and Games, movie reviews, On The Net with tags , , , , , , , on December 27, 2008 by Pure Evyl

I had a dream last night that was even weird for me. I was sent to pose nude for an art class with an overweight midget girl. Before the posing was to start, the instructor asked me if I would like to watch a movie in order to make my dick long. She didn’t say hard, she said long. I said sure if that’s what you want and she led me to a video room with a lot of 80’s movies. No porn just movies from the 80’s. I woke shortly thereafter so I didn’t get to see what movie that I picked or if that movie made my dick any longer or even how the art came out. It left me wondering as I awoke just what movies from the 80’s would make my dick long. (Cue the list.)

  • Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back – I know typical huh? But how can any male resist the effect of Princess Leia in her slave girl bikini? It damn sure ain’t me. It’s amazing how much better she looks without those cinnamon buns on the side of her noggin.

princess-leia

  • Blame It On Rio – Sure the movie sucked but Michelle Johnson had the most remarkable breasts ever seen in a Michael Caine movie. Her breasts were so incredible that it should have been against the law for her to wear a shirt. She made Demi Moore look flat chested and that is quite a feat.

blame-it-on-rio

  • Cat People – Another movie that sucked but watching Nastassja Kinski prance around naked more than made up for that. What she lacks in large breasts she more than makes up for with a great ass and when she speaks her accent makes me freakin’ melt. When this movie came out, I remember watching it on HBO with a bunch of my redneck buddies. One of my buddies stated that she just needed a good ol fashioned country fuckin’. Now that’s some words of wisdom. And the fact that you have to tie her up beforehand so she doesn’t rip your face off after she gets her cookies really spice things up.

nastassja-kinski1

  • Mannequin – It’s like a guys favorite blow up doll comes to life and it’s Kim Cattrall. And the fact that she has aged so well is one hell of a bonus.

kim-cattrall

fast-times

Now there are a lot of movies from the 80’s that could also be on the list such as Risky Business but if anyone includes Tootsie on their list, I’d really wonder.

tootsie

Coming Soon To A Bargain DVD Bin Near You

Posted in Bullshit, famous people, movie reviews, Popular Culture, Prison with tags , on April 30, 2008 by Pure Evyl

Ain’t Yo Prison Bitch

Starring Paris Hilton

A Bulldyke Production

of a

Don’t Cut up the Bananas Film

Distributed by Skanks With Shanks International

Next: Tits

Posted in Advice and Guidance, movie reviews, personal thoughts, Popular Culture on April 26, 2007 by Pure Evyl

I am really impressed with the trailers for the movie ‘Next.’ It’s not that I think the movie will be all that great. I just love the title. Although, I do believe that the title would work better as a tv program. Every week at the conclusion they would be able to announce, ‘Stay tuned to see what’s next on Next.’

I always come up with these damn things a day late and a dollar short. While watching the trailer, I came up with a hit title for a new movie. I will title it ‘Tits.’ I would imagine that Ebert and Roeper and all male movie critics would have to give it a good review. How could they possibly say that they hate Tits? How could they say that they don’t like to watch Tits? They would have to say that they love Tits. They could say that if they were able to they would sit and watch Tits all day long. I know that I could.

I am sorry but I was unable to procure a pic for this post. I googled ‘stare at tits’ and got trapped in an on-line trance and two hours later I came back to consciousness. Sorry about that. 

Pursue Something Else

Posted in movie reviews on January 10, 2007 by Pure Evyl

I watched ‘The Pursuit of Happyness’ last night. If you really want to pursue happiness then run like hell in the other direction from this snorefest.