Archive for the On The Net Category

I’ll Buy That For A Dollar

Posted in Blog Babble, Crazy Fuckers, For The Freaks, In The News, On The Net with tags on January 20, 2009 by Pure Evyl

It seems that a 22 year old hottie from Nevada has put her virginity up to the highest bidder. Fox News reports that the highest bid so far is 3.7 million dollars. I’m all for the free market system but I do think that this shows how screwed up things are. There is no fucking way that I am going to pay that kind of money to someone that doesn’t even know what the fuck she is doing.

I don’t know what piece of ass would be worth that much money for one roll in the hay but I guarenfuckintee that she better know the ropes well enough to get a merit badge in fucking.

Thanks Steve for making me aware of this news.

Grab And Snatch

Posted in Crazy Fuckers, crime and punishment, In The News, On The Net with tags , , , , , , on January 13, 2009 by Pure Evyl

In Sydney, Australia, police are on the lookout for a sick twisted individual who is truly fucking up sex shops in the area. It seems the guy is ripping off blow-up dolls and taking them to the alley, blowing them up, abusing them (sexually), and leaving the poor defenseless dolls blowed up and blown in lying in the alley.

What gets me is that he is having sex with one model of blow up doll named Jungle Jane.

Poor Abused Jungle Jane

Poor Abused Jungle Jane

With all the variety of blow up dolls, why pick only one. Variety is the spice of life. Here is a small sampling of what the boring little fuck is passing up.

Hentai Hunching Action

Hentai Hunching Action

Upgrade To An Asian Model

Upgrade To An Asian Model

Alien? Three Tits? What's Not To Love?

Alien? Three Tits? What's Not To Love?

Midget Love Dolls - Less Blow For More Pump

Midget Love Dolls - Less Blow For More Pump

Handy Dandy For Shoplifters - The Pocket Pussy

Handy Dandy For Shoplifters - The Pocket Pussy

For The Man That Will And Has Fucked Everything - An Inflatable Love Lamb

For The Man That Will And Has Fucked Everything - An Inflatable Love Lamb

Click here for the odd news story from Reuters.

Call Me Dr. Feelgood

Posted in For The Freaks, Happiness, In The News, Medical, On The Net with tags on January 9, 2009 by Pure Evyl

I recently heard of a scientific study that proves what I have known all along. My cock is better than a happy pill.

These findings prove that splooge makes women happy. And hell’s yeah, I do love to spread happiness. Now if only they can prove that it’s effects are best when taken orally.

WTF News

Posted in Bullshit, Crazy Fuckers, From Blogs, Fun and Games, In The News, On The Net, personal thoughts, Popular Culture, Social and Politics, The End Of The World with tags , , on December 28, 2008 by Pure Evyl

I was reading where Madonna has been swapping spit with a 20 year old Brazilian model by the name of Jesus. Well at least he is young enough to be her son. Can’t say much about any other comparisons because just singing like a virgin ain’t gonna cut it.

Like A Prayer? More Like A Runaway Cougar.

Like A Prayer? More Like A Runaway Cougar.

I’ve noticed that President Elect Obama’s shirtless Hawaii pics are all over the freakin’ web. I have seen the headlines read everything from ‘Whoa Bama’, to ‘The Most Buff President Ever.’ I just don’t know if I want a President known for being the most buff President ever. I’d rather have one known for being competent.  But after looking at the pic, I couldn’t help but notice why all the female voters have been oohing and aahing. Presidential Mooseknuckle; Now there’s an election technique that you don’t see everyday.

Presidential Mooseknuckle

Presidential Mooseknuckle

All in all these stories left me disgusted but then I came across some entertainment news to put a smile on my face. It seems that Ashley Simpson’s babydaddy is giving reviews on the taste of her breast milk.

I Am So Glad That I Am Not Lactose Intolerant

I Am So Glad That I Am Not Lactose Intolerant

Makin’ It Long

Posted in famous people, Fun and Games, movie reviews, On The Net with tags , , , , , , , on December 27, 2008 by Pure Evyl

I had a dream last night that was even weird for me. I was sent to pose nude for an art class with an overweight midget girl. Before the posing was to start, the instructor asked me if I would like to watch a movie in order to make my dick long. She didn’t say hard, she said long. I said sure if that’s what you want and she led me to a video room with a lot of 80’s movies. No porn just movies from the 80’s. I woke shortly thereafter so I didn’t get to see what movie that I picked or if that movie made my dick any longer or even how the art came out. It left me wondering as I awoke just what movies from the 80’s would make my dick long. (Cue the list.)

  • Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back – I know typical huh? But how can any male resist the effect of Princess Leia in her slave girl bikini? It damn sure ain’t me. It’s amazing how much better she looks without those cinnamon buns on the side of her noggin.

princess-leia

  • Blame It On Rio – Sure the movie sucked but Michelle Johnson had the most remarkable breasts ever seen in a Michael Caine movie. Her breasts were so incredible that it should have been against the law for her to wear a shirt. She made Demi Moore look flat chested and that is quite a feat.

blame-it-on-rio

  • Cat People – Another movie that sucked but watching Nastassja Kinski prance around naked more than made up for that. What she lacks in large breasts she more than makes up for with a great ass and when she speaks her accent makes me freakin’ melt. When this movie came out, I remember watching it on HBO with a bunch of my redneck buddies. One of my buddies stated that she just needed a good ol fashioned country fuckin’. Now that’s some words of wisdom. And the fact that you have to tie her up beforehand so she doesn’t rip your face off after she gets her cookies really spice things up.

nastassja-kinski1

  • Mannequin – It’s like a guys favorite blow up doll comes to life and it’s Kim Cattrall. And the fact that she has aged so well is one hell of a bonus.

kim-cattrall

fast-times

Now there are a lot of movies from the 80’s that could also be on the list such as Risky Business but if anyone includes Tootsie on their list, I’d really wonder.

tootsie

Give Me Some Leftovers

Posted in Crazy Fuckers, famous people, In The News, On The Net, personal thoughts, Popular Culture, sports stuff with tags , , on December 6, 2008 by Pure Evyl
Leftovers Don't Look Like That In My Fridge.

Leftovers Don't Look Like That In My Fridge.

It seems that Sean Avery of the NHL has been suspended over a comment made about his ex Elisha Cuthbert. I guess that he’s pissed that she dumped him for another hockey player.

And really who could blame him. Elisha’s portrayal of Danielle in ‘The Girl Next Door’ certainly made me wish that a porn-star would move in and be my neighbor. Hell, I would have walked around singing Mr. Rogers theme song all fucking day if she moved next door.

I am glad however that real jobs aren’t like playing in a professional sports league. If I were suspended every time that I disparaged an ex-girlfriend, I wouldn’t have got in a full weeks work until I was in my early 30’s.

Here is the quote of what he said, “I am really happy to be back in Calgary, I love Canada,” Avery said. “I just want to comment on how it’s become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don’t know what that’s about. Enjoy the game tonight.”

Damn, I don’t know but that sounds really tame to me. I can think of many things that he could have said more disparaging about an ex-girlfriend and/or her new boyfriend. Such as:

  • I’d like to ask him how my dick tastes every time he kisses her.
  • They have a lot in common. Her pussy is like wet toilet paper. When it gets wet it just falls apart. And he’s an asswipe.
  • They should get along great. They both suck hard.

If he ever feels like spouting off he should use a similar line. If you are going to get suspended for something, you should really make it worth your while.

For the full story click here.

Fuckin’ Up A Meme: 7 More Things

Posted in Blog Babble, Evyl's Friends, Freaks and Friends, Fucking Tags, Fun and Games, On The Net, personal thoughts, superheroes, Television, Theme Music, Twisted Video with tags , , , , , , on November 30, 2008 by Pure Evyl

One of my newest blogmigos, Wayne John, has tagged  me with the ‘7 Things That You Didn’t Know About Me’ meme. Although I have done this one twice, talking about me is one of my favorite subjects so I can’t resist this one.

  1. My favorite cheese comes in a can. Nacho Cheese is liquid cheese food gold. Without Nacho Cheese, nachos are just a bunch of shit stuck on top of chips. With Nacho Cheese, it is a Tex-Mex delicacy of mythic proportion.
  2. I believe that the theme song to ‘True Blood’ has surpassed the theme song to ‘The Love Boat’ as the greatest television theme song of all time.
  3. When nothing else will relax me, I play The Legend Of Johnny Cash and play Spider Solitaire. After the third song, ‘Folsom Prison Blues’ is over, I am completely relaxed and Spider Solitaire is my bitch.
  4. The first blog that I visit in the day is the Bug Eyed Blog in order to try my hand at Earl’s daily trivia quiz. I’m not a world beater at it but I don’t do to shabby either.
  5. I am one of the few people in the blogosphere that isn’t a writer or thinks they are a writer. When I head to my room to get on the computer, I tell my wife that I am going to fuck off. And that is exactly what the fuck I am doing. And damn ain’t it fun.
  6. I believe that Alex Winter carried Keanu Reeves in ‘Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure’ and find it a shame that he hasn’t had a bigger career.
  7. I have the ability to say the craziest damn shit with a completely straight face. People never really know if I am kidding or serious. It can make for great entertainment.