Archive for the personal thoughts Category

Ya Know

Posted in Advice and Guidance, For The Freaks, love and marraige, personal thoughts with tags on July 29, 2009 by Pure Evyl

Ya know it is fucking hot when you bang your old lady on your side of the bed just so that you can have a cool wet place to sleep.

Down But Not Out

Posted in Blog Babble, personal thoughts with tags on July 27, 2009 by Pure Evyl

Now that I am in a less restrictive splint, I thought that I would type out a line or two to explain my absence. A while back while pedaling my happy ass down the road, the chain broke on my bike and I went asshole over elbows over the handlebars. I broke my fucking arm and dislocated my thumb. Being that my dominant hand has been out of commission, both my blogging and my sex life has suffered. Jacking off with your off hand is like fucking a pussy that falls apart like toilet paper when it gets wet; it beats nothing but it’s damn hard to get your jollies.

Anyway, I’m back for now and will get back to the tasks at hand like spreading my wit and wisdom to the four corners of the blogosphere.

Some Folks Just Don’t Get It.

Posted in Fun and Games, Life's Questions, On the Job, personal thoughts with tags on June 11, 2009 by Pure Evyl

Today, a female co-worker, who has an intense love of cats but not a firm grasp of humor, told me that she had some kittens to give away and if I liked cats. I told her that a generally don’t like cats. The meat is a little too lean and has a tendency to be dry. She gave me a horrified look and skedaddled into the sunset.

I didn’t even get the chance to tell her that although this is generally true, if you prep it right and get it to just the right temperature, pussy is some mighty tasty eating. But then again I might have got into some real trouble over that line.

Fuck Cute

Posted in End Of The World, Evyl 101, personal thoughts, Rants with tags on May 23, 2009 by Pure Evyl

Yesterday, I was out shopping for some new duty boots. While headed to the boot rack on the back aisle, I noticed a young couple looking at ladies shoes. I overheard him say, ‘They’re cute but I’m just not sure they’re you.’

What in the flying fuck is up with that? I would have shot this fucker in the balls but I might be arrested for destroying her fucking purse. There are only two legitimate uses for the word, ‘cute’, in the English Language. I man may say that a baby or very young child is cute and a man may say that a puppy or infant animal is cute. All other uses of the word cute by a man is strictly forbidden and if a man uses it for other than these two legitimate reasons then in my opinion he might as well take a trip to Trinidad, Colorado, donate his balls to a worthy cause, have his cock flipped inside out, and concentrate on a career in Softball.

Fuckin’ sonsofbitches, It’s metro-sexual asshole cum-bubbles like that, that make it tough for the rest of us real men.

Two Flush No Wipe

Posted in Blog Babble, personal thoughts with tags on May 21, 2009 by Pure Evyl

I suppose my last post was the blog equivalent of a big hairy-assed shit. No one else appreciates it but it feels damn good to get out out of my system.

It’s A Duty Asshole

Posted in personal thoughts, Rants with tags on May 20, 2009 by Pure Evyl

The other day I was summoned to report for Jury Duty at the County Courthouse. I drew a juror number 215 so I wasn’t worried about actually being picked as a juror but I also realized that I was due for a long morning of listening to a great deal of legal bullshit.

While waiting to be called into the courtroom to be seated, I engaged in a small talk with a douchebag that I knew from a while back. He told me that he had never been called for jury duty before and that he thought that it would be cool to sit on a jury. I told him that I had served on a few juries and that it was mostly boring bullshit and the coolness factor was damned near nil.

A short while later, the bailiff started calling the roll to seat the perspective jurors in their seats. I noticed that the douchebag was called in the high one hundred’s so there wasn’t much chance of him being called. Then I finally took my seat in the back row.

The judge started out by reading out the list of qualifications and everyone was qualified so there wasn’t any thinning out at that time. Then he read out the list of exemptions and no one met those either, I suppose anyone that had an exemption just mailed it in. Then the judge asked if anyone had any circumstances that would prevent them from serving at this time.

The fucking douchebag’s hand raised as quickly as the judge opened his mouth. The motherfucker went up and made up some bullshit sob story and the judge let him go. If I didn’t have the respect for the law that I do, I would have gone up there and punched that douchebag right in the fucking mouth. Talking all that bullshit about serving on the jury and then not to have the respect to sit on the fucking uncomfortable wood chairs to a mornings worth of bullshit; asshole-cocksucker-dickwad-motherfuckin’ bitch.

So I sat there and listened to the bullshit, got excused at noon, and collected my eight fucking bucks. Ain’t service to your country grand.

Confession Is Good For The Soul: My Ass

Posted in personal thoughts, Popular Culture, Rants, Television with tags on May 19, 2009 by Pure Evyl

This morning I woke up early and flipped through the channels and wound up watching some bullshit documentary on HBO. The program was Middle School Confession. The show was documenting a bunch of acne factory twelve and thirteen year old jailbait bitches. The young teen girls were talking about how they were proud to be virgins but didn’t mind giving a ‘handy’ or going down on their boyfriends.

Now I’m no fucking pedophile or cho-mo or anything but I do have one question. Where in the flying fuck were these bitches when I was in junior high. I would have done some serious asskissin’ for a damned blow job back in the day, hell I did some serious asskissin’ just to feel up a couple of nubs. Hell, I got a stiffy when the fucking wind blew in the right damned direction but do you think any of the bitches that I went to school with was willing to google the hoogler. Hell fucking no.

I was born ahead of my time and motherfucker that sucks ass.

Sweet Dreams? Fuck That Fuck That

Posted in Dreamscapes, Evyl's Friends, personal thoughts with tags , , on April 10, 2009 by Pure Evyl

Last night I had a pleasant dream. I was back at my old job working with a good friend of mine. We were laughing and joking like old times, making fun of our idiot boss, and just getting the job done. When I awoke I realized that would never happen again.

I helped bury my friend four months ago. Carrying his coffin as one of the pallbearers on a cold and bitter day. I had been his friend since elementary school and laying in my warm comfortable bed, I realized that he was gone. He had fought three different battles with cancer. He beat the first two but the brain tumor was insurmountable.

Give me a nightmare any fucking day. One of those bad dreams that jolts you to life in a cold sweat with a silent scream frozen in your throat; Glad that you are fucking alive and free to carry on another day. Not this pleasant dream bullshit that makes you realize that a part of your life will never be relived except in memory and dreams.

You wish me sweet dreams? I say fuck that.

That’s What Forever’s For

Posted in Beer, Bullshit, In The News, personal thoughts with tags on February 10, 2009 by Pure Evyl

I read that the cost of US postage stamps are going up two cents in May. But ‘Forever’ stamps can be bought for the current 42 cents until the price hike takes effect. ‘Forever’ stamps costing 42 cents are valid until one runs out of the damned things.

To tell the truth, I don’t use snail mail enough to have a reason to jump up and down over ‘Forever’ stamps. But if they ever sell ‘Forever’ vouchers for Tequila, smokes, beer, beef jerkey, and lap dances, I will be doing one hell of a happy dance.