Archive for the personal thoughts Category

Fuckin’ Up A Meme: Five Questions

Posted in Blog Babble, Evyl's Friends, Fucking Tags, Fun and Games, personal thoughts with tags on February 8, 2009 by Pure Evyl

I have consented to be interviewed by the lovely and talented Anja. As this is a meme, I will list the rules (like I ever fucking follow them) and then on to answer my five little questions.

The rules for anyone else who wants to be interviewed:
1. Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.” (you don’t have to be interviewed if you want to comment)
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. (I get to pick the questions).
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Anja: You’re away on your annual fishing trip with your buddies and you see something caught in weeds. It’s the body of a young girl who has been dead for at least a week. Would you report it immediately? Or would you report the find when you head back in a couple of days?

Evyl: In the modern day, everyone has a cell phone. I would call it in. I would also ask the police officer to let me know the date of the funeral. Perhaps she had a hot older sister or her mother was a MILF and they would be willing to show a little appreciation for my help at bringing closure to their personal tragedy.

Anja: You’re sitting in a diner and the hottest woman on earth sits next to you. She smiles and asks you to follow her to a motel room. It is also your wedding anniversary and your wife will fillet you if you’re late. What do you do?

Evyl: Drew Barrymore is on my list. My wife would understand. It would mean a hit to my pocketbook on jewelry but eventually I could skate by on  this one.

Anja: She’s almost legal age. She’s taking off her top and grabs your hand. What do you do?

Evyl: I work as a Correctional Officer. I see what happens to pedaphiles in prison. There is no way I am going to take a lifetime of getting it up the ass for one night of almost legal sex.

Anja: Your wife promises you a weekend of mind blowing sex, but your buddies have tickets to the sporting event of your choice in corporate seats with free beer. What do you do?

Evyl: It’s according to who my wife has lined up for me to have mind blowing sex with. 😉

Anja: And just for my own curiosity, how old were you when you lost your virginity?

Evyl: As if I can remember that far back. But seriously, I was a late bloomer and was sixteen. I have been a slut ever since.

Going Indigenous

Posted in Bullshit, For The Freaks, personal thoughts with tags on February 7, 2009 by Pure Evyl

It seems that quite often this week for one reason or another I found myself watching some documentary programs about some tribe or another in the middle of bum-fuck nowhere. Perhaps it was the saggy native titties flopping around, I really couldn’t say.

One thing that did get me thinking was the warning that came up on these programs. ‘Warning: For Mature audiences. This program contains indigenous nudity.’ I started wondering if big saggy titties flopping around is indigenous nudity in bum-fuck nowhere, would big fake boobs be the indigenous nudity of L.A., would dudes flouncing around in assless chaps be the indigenous nudity of San Francisco, and would college co-eds flashing tits for beads be the indigenous nudity of New Orleans? If so I am looking forward to some more of these indigenous nudity shows. Except I will have to turn it when the assless chap show comes on. I have seen the previews and it ain’t pretty.

hairy-assless-chaps

Just Sayin’: Road Rage

Posted in Advice and Guidance, Bullshit, Crazy Fuckers, personal thoughts with tags on February 4, 2009 by Pure Evyl

fucktard-crossing

I’m not admitting to severe Road Rage but I think that it would be a good idea to adopt the English way of putting the steering wheel on the right side of the car here in America  instead of the left side. It would make it so much more convenient to lean out the window and shoot some fucktard, that so richly deserved it, in the face with a pistol, bazooka, or weapon of choice for right handed drivers like myself. I’m just sayin’ that it would make it a lot safer than contorting your body to get a decent shot.

Evyl Philosiphizin’: To Fuck Or To Get Fucked

Posted in For The Freaks, Fun and Games, Life's Questions, personal thoughts with tags on February 3, 2009 by Pure Evyl

I believe that everyone fits into three main categories of personality. Those who love to fuck, those that love to get fucked, and those that just don’t give a fuck about a fuck. As for me, I am a fucker. I’m not saying that I don’t enjoy just laying back and taking it like a man on occasion. But when it comes right down to the nut cuttin’, I like to be the one whippin’ and spurrin’.

As a little bit of unscientific bullshittery research, here are a couple of polls. One for the dudes and one for the darlin’s. Vote early and vote often because inquiring minds want to know.

All Shock No Ahh

Posted in love and marraige, personal thoughts with tags on January 25, 2009 by Pure Evyl

poster2

For some reason my wife is really electrifying these days. I don’t know if it is some latent superpower coming out in her or what but she picks up static electricity like a kindergartner picks their nose. Yesterday she came up to give me a kiss and it burnt a blister on my lip. I am somewhat thankful that she has developed this power now and not in the first days of our relationship or else that first peck might have crisped my cock.

A special thanks to This Buddy Of Mine for the great poster.

All I Need’s A Remedy

Posted in personal thoughts with tags on January 21, 2009 by Pure Evyl

Last night, heartburn was kicking my ass. I got up and washed down two Pepcids with some Spicy Hot V8. My wife looked at me like I was fucking crazy. Hell it worked.

A Bubbly Post

Posted in personal thoughts with tags , on January 17, 2009 by Pure Evyl

I was looking back through some old pics the other day and came across a picture from my Jr. High Prom. It was the height of the 70’s and polyester ruled the fabric world. There a sat with my buddies with our fucked up hairdo’s and leisure suits. Something happened that day that forever turned me from polyester to denim.

I farted and the weave of the polyester did not allow the gas to escape the garment. Rather, it created a fart bubble that traveled up my crotch and then exited from the zipper. There are not many things in this world worse than a fart bubble that can not escape. I am only thankful that the candle on the table did not cause the bubble to explode and crisp my huevos.

From then on I only wore fabrics that would allow gas to pass through them and left the bubbles for bongs, where they belonged.

Paint Yourself A Winner

Posted in Crazy Fuckers, personal thoughts, Popular Culture with tags , , , , , , on January 7, 2009 by Pure Evyl

Working in a prison, I see fucked up tattoo’s every day. But there is no accounting for taste. One persons idea of fucked up is another persons idea of art. You decide for yourself on these.

All I Can Say Is Dude.

All I Can Say Is Dude.

Isn't A Tramp Stamp Enough?

Isn't A Tramp Stamp Enough?

Couldn't You Just Download The Fucking Video?

Couldn't You Just Download The Fucking Video?

Because You Don't Have One On The Inside?

Because You Don't Have One On The Inside?

Oh Yeah, That's Going To Get You Laid!!!

Oh Yeah, That's Going To Get You Laid!!! Dumbass.

Doggie Style Religion

Doggie Style Religion

I Agree. She Married Your Ass.

I Agree. She Married Your Ass.

Words Of Wisdom

Posted in Advice and Guidance, Old Adages, personal thoughts with tags on January 6, 2009 by Pure Evyl

If you stab someone in the back always go for the kill. If not one must remember the maxim; The ass that you try to kick today, you may have to kiss tomorrow.

And remember to take that person off of your reference list on your resumes. Buhahahahaha!!!