Archive for Tags

Fuckin’ Up A Meme: To The Letter

Posted in Blog Babble, Evyl's Friends, Fucking Tags, Fun and Games, love and marraige, personal thoughts, Tasteless Poetry, Theme Music with tags , , , , , , on December 15, 2008 by Pure Evyl

I offered myself up as a sacrifice. I read Anja’s great letter meme and stuck my head on the chopping block by saying that I would kick any letters ass. Sure enough Anja gave me a letter from hell. First off here are the cut and pasted rules of the meme and just for the hell of it, I’ll leave the damn thing in purple and write in purple for the rest of the post.

You leave a comment on this post and I’ll assign you a letter.  You write about ten things you love that begin with your assigned letter, and post it at your place.  When people comment on your list, you give them a letter, and the chain continues on and on.

You DO NOT have to do the meme if you only want to comment. Tell me if you want to do it. Otherwise you will not be tagged.

And what letter do ask did I receive; V. Here goes nothing.

  • Vagina – How do I love the let me count the ways. That damned poet had to be talking about vagina. The sight, the smell, the sounds they make, I love it all.
  • Vicodin – I once had a concussion and was given Vicodin for the pain. What little pain that remained after a good dose didn’t make me a fuck. And that is just what I needed after a good jar to the noggin, the ability to not give a flying fuck.
  • Victoria’s Secret – The catalogue of all catalogues.
  • A Victory Fuck – Besides living well it can be the best revenge.
  • Vienna Sausages – I once did an ode to Vienna Sausages. Here is a refresher for those that haven’t seen it.

Late last night, my heart quickened
For the taste of mechanically separated chicken.
To the Cupboard, My quest began
Searching for that meaty goodness in a can.

I do not spot it but I know it’s there.
I continue my search. I do not despair.
Eureka, I spy, Behind the boil-in-bag rice
Beside the salt, pepper, and spice.

I pull back the lid and peer inside.
Joy of Joy my eyes open wide.
The juice is warm and fluid
Not like goo on the corpse of a Druid.

I tip the jar and drink the brine.
Oh the taste, so mighty fine.
Carefully so carefully, I pull out the wiener
Success, one whole piece, it could come out no cleaner.

My snack complete. I’m off to rest.
Perchance to dream, perhaps of breasts.
But just as I start to nod,
Acid Reflux, Oh My God!

  • Visine – Once upon a time, I never left home without it. It gets the red out. Nuff said.
  • Vodka Tonic with a Twist – There’s nothing quite like it. My favorite way to have tater’s.
  • A quick game of VolleyBoobs –  It’s almost as fun as motorboating.
  • Vaughn – As in Stevie Ray Vaughn and I will let the vid do the talking.

  • Voluptuous Women – Just like a good sports car, I like curves. Although to be perfectly honest. Long and lean works also. To be honest I just like women. Just make this v for very much.

Fuckin’ Up A Tag

Posted in Blog Babble, Evyl's Friends with tags , on June 12, 2008 by Pure Evyl

The talented quick-witted and delightfully original Naomi freakin’ tagged my ass. And what a tag it is, I am supposed to follow the Girly Stuff Meme. How in the fuck am I supposed to do that. I have thought of it for a few days and came down to two choices; I could either fuck up the meme to skew it to a manly perspective or I could get in touch with an in-law cousin of my wife, who I will call here Drag Queen Danny. Since Drag Queen Danny frankly freaks me out, I decided to fuck it up. So here it is: Dude Stuff – Building The Best Dude that you can be.

  1. What is your favorite shaving product? Bald Guyz Head Moisturizing Gel. It has it all. It moisturizes and it protects your noggin from harmful UV rays. Because a sunburn on the top of your noggin sucks major balls.
  2. What is your favorite Cologne/After Shave? I generally don’t wear cologne or after shave. With my rugged good looks, I have a hard enough time feeling like a piece of meat every time I am around women. To add anything other than my masculine scent would almost be criminal. But for those times when I am feeling like teasing the female masses into a frenzy, I will spray on a bit of Santa Fe.
  3. What is the best masturbation lubricant? There are two types of liars in the world, those that say they never have and those that say that they have quit. I am the second type of liar. The best lubricant is God’s gift to jack-offs, spit. But for those moments when the spit just won’t cut it, I would recommend Huggies Baby Lotion. If it is gentle enough for a baby’s ass then it should be more than gentle enough for a Johnson.
  4. Thoughts on Manscaping? Don’t shave your pubes. When they grow back they can itch like hell. But trim it, if a gal doesn’t have to worry about choking on a hairball, she will be more apt to google the hoogler. Do not shave your head if you have a misshapen noggin. Shave your back if you look like Sasquatch. Trim your eyebrows. No one gets the hots for a dude with a couple of caterpillars above their peepers. Trim your nostrils. Braiding them into your moustache is not an option. If you have hair in your ears trim that shit. It is just fucking nasty.
  5. Men with looks that are admirable? I have never really gave much thought to the way that guys look.  Now I’m not gay or anything but when I first saw the album cover to ‘Look What The Cat Drug In’, I had never heard of them or listened to their music. I told my buddy that showed it to me, ‘Damn those are some ugly assed chicks although I would do that blonde.’ I have always been a man of my word so I have to give Bret Michaels a nod on this one.
  6. Dudes with the best sense of style? Sean Connery – He is just so damned suave. Sam Elliot – He brings old and crusty to another level and he has that raspy voice thing down pat. Muhammad Ali – Back in his prime, no one could talk the talk and walk the walk better than Ali. To this day, I still quote his line, ‘I’m as pretty as a little girl.’
  7. My Ultimate Dream? Complete Global Domination. If a man has to dream he might as well dream big.
  8. How do I define being a Man? A man takes care of his shit. He doesn’t have to be a bully but he doesn’t back down and doesn’t take shit off of any one. A man does not use violence against women or children and only uses violence as a last resort. But when a man has to use violence, he doesn’t back down and fights to win at all costs. A man is respectful to those that show him respect but tolerates no disrespect. A man takes care of his family. A man is not a man just because he has a dick. A man is a man because of his actions, his beliefs, and his honor. A mother-fucker with a dick that is not a man is just a punkassbitch that is awaiting a beatdown from a real man.
  9. What is your favorite man’s magazine? Pregnant Midget Hookers.

Thanks Naomi, that was fun. And I didn’t even have to talk to the in-laws.