A Little Payback

 I recently consented to a grilling by A-Mum. I tried to be honest but I probably ended up looking like a fucking sap. As I wouldn’t give my answers without a little quid pro quo, I asked A-mum a few questions of my own. Here are her answers:

 1. Describe the perfect meal. What are you having and where are you having it?

    What?  Hot and spicy for sure, probably  Indian, accompanied by good red wine, candles and flowers on the table. Where? Preferably beside the water, with a brilliant view of the sunset over the water. And across from me, someone who is game enough to have me go down on him under the table while the waiter is serving the dessert wine.

    2. I have seen you describe a blog as having an ‘Aussie Flavor’. Describe ‘Aussie Flavor’ and how does it differ from a typical American blog.

     It’s the turn of phrase. Aussies and Americans get on very well as you know, but they have totally different ways of using words. We use an enormous amount of slang here in Oz and that translates to our blogs we well. I try to cut it down a bit for my American friends, but it’s not easy sometimes. And American blogs {with some notable exceptions} are so well spoken and polite. Not that we mind that, it can be a nice change. It’s not that we’re not polite, it’s that we don’t flower it up you know? I always tell you over here a shovel is not a horticultural implement, it’s something you fucking dig with and it shows on blogs and in the comments from Aussies. Let me add, I have nothing against the way our American cousins word a post!

    3. The blog-gods have spoken and you can only have two widgets. What widgets do you keep?

This was fucking hard let me say! You near killed me when I read this question!! I broke out in a cold sweat and started shaking almost, until i realised it was just a question and not real! I loves me some widgets, that’s obvious. The first is easy. My blogroll. I would die if I had to type in all those URL’s everyday , plus it can be added to. The second wasn’t  quite so simple, and I’m still not convinced I went the right way, but I settled on a text widget so I can put a quote a day on there and people will realise how wise and deep I can be {one crack from the peanut gallery and there’ll be trouble!}

    4. Give us a few thoughts on your favorite potent potable.

I have to fess up here. I had NFI what you were talking about, but thanks to Websters online I worked it out! You mean my favourite drink right??? Well, I HOPE that’s what you meant, cos that’s what you’re getting.  A vodka, lime and lemonade would win hands down here. I have a real soft spot for vodka, however…it’s been responsible for me hitting more people than i can poke a stick at! I can drink a dozen vodka’s and be fine, but one mouthful of the 13th and if just one person says one thing I take exception to? They’re going down like a bag of shit and I’m going back to my drink. A girlfriend and I had 26 each one night and walked out upright, which I’m immensely proud of. Not to proud of getting locked up cos some fucktard tried to give us a hard time and we beat 40 shades of shit out of him though. On the positive side, we were STILL standing in the cell! I rarely drink vodka these days and when I do,  only have one or 2. 

    5. Oral Sex? Good clean fun or does the thought of it leave a bad taste in your mouth?

I can’t believe you were so coy about this Evyl. Why didn’t you just say “a-mum, do you swallow”??? I LOVE oral sex. Love it. The most fun you can have i think. I enjoy every minute of both giving and receiving, and I’m damned good at giving let me say, but! You’d best be moving real fucking quick if you come in my mouth cos I’m taking a fucking great chunk out of your your junk! I’ve done it before, I’d do it again. Not a man alive wants stitches in his dick I’m thinking? Well, I can assure you, there’s at least one I know of needed 3.  Bet he’s never done what he was asked NOT to do again do you think?

    6. If you could choose one adage that you think is the best answer to one of life’s hardest lesson, what would it be?

This was another that made me think, because I have several I live by, but if I HAD to choose just 1,  well I need to explain why. As most people would be aware, Mark is my 3rd husband {for those that didn’t know, yes you heard right, and no I’m not a giant vagina that eats men for breakfast either} Much of the reason those marriages went to the wall was for lack of communication. Take it from one who learned the hard way. NEVER EVER EVER go to bed on an argument. It doesn’t matter if you talk until the sun comes up. Sort it out, don’t sleep on it. I don’t make that mistake this time. We talk.

    7. What thing would you like for your readers to come away with after reading your blog?

Gee, I’ve never thought about this too hard. There are a few things I can think of when I do consider it. A smile, the feeling that they know what makes me tick just a little bit more, a better understanding of my life and why I am who I am. All of those things and a driving desire to tell all and sundry about the crazy Australian grandmother who resides at The Nook of Oz!

    8. If you could name one place that a person shouldn’t miss on a visit to Australia, where would it be?

Sydney Harbour. It’s THE most beautiful place you’ll see. Heaps to do, beautiful gardens around it, lots of shops for the girls, chicky babes for the boys, the Opera House, great view of the bridge. It has everything going for it. That and our dinner table! Good food, good wine and fucking brilliant company!

    9. What is your favorite all purpose curse word?

 Fuck! No hesitation there. Boring huh?
    

10. Okay, ‘fess up. How many times a day do you look at your blog stats?

Once, just before I go to bed because they’ve normally just kicked to a new day at that point and it gives me an idea of the whole day. I was quite obsessed with them for a while, but when I hit 50k I gave up. Having said that, if and when I get close to 100k I’ll probably get just as obsessed again.

Now if you haven’t visited The Nook of Oz, what the fuck are you still doing here. After all you are missing the chance to see me make a complete ass of myself. And while your over there tell A-Mum hey. You won’t be disappointed. She is spot on one of the best damn bloggers in the ‘sphere. From heartfelt to bust a gut funny, she’s a no holds barred winner.