Some Folks Just Don’t Get It.

Today, a female co-worker, who has an intense love of cats but not a firm grasp of humor, told me that she had some kittens to give away and if I liked cats. I told her that a generally don’t like cats. The meat is a little too lean and has a tendency to be dry. She gave me a horrified look and skedaddled into the sunset.

I didn’t even get the chance to tell her that although this is generally true, if you prep it right and get it to just the right temperature, pussy is some mighty tasty eating. But then again I might have got into some real trouble over that line.

Point of Order: #69

If a male inmate is caught having sex with a female officer in a walk-in freezer can the inmate be charged with assault?

After all, he cold-cocked the bitch.

Things That I Wonder About #1,490,351

If the seven deadly sins were represented by Care Bears, what color would Lust Bear be? My guess would be purple with a big purple headed stiffie and would have a Motley Crue poster on his belly.

Aargh!!! Now Thar’s A Holiday

In light of recent events, I wonder if September 19 will be changed from International Talk Like A Pirate Day to International Moan, Bleed, Flop, and Die Like A Pirate Day?

Evyl Philosiphizin’: To Fuck Or To Get Fucked

I believe that everyone fits into three main categories of personality. Those who love to fuck, those that love to get fucked, and those that just don’t give a fuck about a fuck. As for me, I am a fucker. I’m not saying that I don’t enjoy just laying back and taking it like a man on occasion. But when it comes right down to the nut cuttin’, I like to be the one whippin’ and spurrin’.

As a little bit of unscientific bullshittery research, here are a couple of polls. One for the dudes and one for the darlin’s. Vote early and vote often because inquiring minds want to know.

Fog The Mirror

There is a new employee at the facility that to be quite frank is not the brightest crayon in the box. Gathered in the security office before shift change, the new employee notices a mirror. The mirror is at the end of a long handle and has wheels underneath. Such as the mirror shown below.

We use the mirror to look under vehicles entering the facility for contraband. As there has been some misadventures in extra food and assorted contraband leaving the kitchen, a mirror was brought inside to aid in looking under the food carts.

The gullible new employee asked what the mirror was used for and how to use it. The Sergeant explained to the new employee that it is a new aid for strip searches. That it could be wheeled under the inmate as he squatted and coughed to make visual identification of contraband easier.

I was impressed with the answer of the Sergeant and added for the new officers instruction that not only was it an aid to visually check for contraband but that another thing to look for was is the mirror fogged up or not. If the inmate squatted and coughed and the mirror fogged up then all was fine but if the mirror did not fog up then there was some obstruction in the inmate’s anus and that the inmate would need to be checked further with a cavity search and that he should inform the shift supervisor.

I was proud of the Sergeant. He kept a straight face throughout my instructions to the new employee. It does a heart proud when training pays off.

I Just Don’t Get It

Frankly, I just don’t get this commercial. I find it hard to believe that Charlie Sheen would idol worship Michael Jordan. Sure Jordan is arguably the greatest basketball player ever but come on let’s get real. Not only was Charlie Sheen married to the super hot Denise Richards, he also screwed some of the finest women that money could buy, courtesy of Heidi Fleiss. And another thing that part at the end where Sheen throws his cell phone and says, ‘Call me, my numbers in there.’ What kind of idiot would look through Charlie Sheen’s cell phone and have time to call his number? As for me, I’d be calling up his ex!

Wait Til I Get My Hanes On You

Racial Balance

Something has been brewing since early this election month that has brought forth a lot of racial division in this country.

Aunt Jemima Pancake Syrup

 Or

Mrs. Butterworth

 Fuck It!!! I am going to start using Log Cabin Brand Syrup and stay the fuck out of this mess.

Thank You Britney Spear’s Vagina

I cannot fucking believe it. It seems like only yesterday when I published a post thanking everyone for my great fortune in receiving 100, 000 hits on ‘From Evyl With Love.’ It seems that it has taken a lot less time to reach the milestone of 200,000 hits. I sit back and reflect on how this could have happened. Is it the fact that the on-line blogging community has found that my wit, charm, and comedic skills finally warrent a greater view? Has my sheer blogwhore ability’s reached a zenith? No, I have one thing to thank for my recent gaudy view hits: Britney Spear’s Vagina. It seems that over the past month, my post on The Wonderful World of Disney featuring Britney Spear’s Vagina has become a hit bonanza garnishing anywhere from 400 to 500 hits a day.

It is strange to owe so much to a vagina that I have neither fucked nor been birthed from. So I suppose that I should not only thank Britney Spear’s vagina but all vaginas. So I give thanks to everyone that has a vagina and to everyone that loves vagina’s.

So thank you one and all. My thanks to all the lurkers who show up everyday unannounced but not unappreciated, to all the commenters who make my comment section the freakiest comment section that I could hope for, to all the contestants on The Freak Of The Week Contest, and to everyone on my blogroll. And a special thanks to Britney Spear’s Vagina. I couldn’t do it without y’all.