Archive for the Life’s Questions Category

Some Folks Just Don’t Get It.

Posted in Fun and Games, Life's Questions, On the Job, personal thoughts with tags on June 11, 2009 by Pure Evyl

Today, a female co-worker, who has an intense love of cats but not a firm grasp of humor, told me that she had some kittens to give away and if I liked cats. I told her that a generally don’t like cats. The meat is a little too lean and has a tendency to be dry. She gave me a horrified look and skedaddled into the sunset.

I didn’t even get the chance to tell her that although this is generally true, if you prep it right and get it to just the right temperature, pussy is some mighty tasty eating. But then again I might have got into some real trouble over that line.

Point of Order: #69

Posted in crime and punishment, Life's Questions, Love, On the Job, Prison with tags on June 4, 2009 by Pure Evyl

If a male inmate is caught having sex with a female officer in a walk-in freezer can the inmate be charged with assault?

After all, he cold-cocked the bitch.

Things That I Wonder About #1,490,351

Posted in Bullshit, For The Freaks, Life's Questions on April 20, 2009 by Pure Evyl

If the seven deadly sins were represented by Care Bears, what color would Lust Bear be? My guess would be purple with a big purple headed stiffie and would have a Motley Crue poster on his belly.

Aargh!!! Now Thar’s A Holiday

Posted in Crazy Fuckers, crime and punishment, Holidays, Life's Questions with tags on April 13, 2009 by Pure Evyl

In light of recent events, I wonder if September 19 will be changed from International Talk Like A Pirate Day to International Moan, Bleed, Flop, and Die Like A Pirate Day?

Evyl Philosiphizin’: To Fuck Or To Get Fucked

Posted in For The Freaks, Fun and Games, Life's Questions, personal thoughts with tags on February 3, 2009 by Pure Evyl

I believe that everyone fits into three main categories of personality. Those who love to fuck, those that love to get fucked, and those that just don’t give a fuck about a fuck. As for me, I am a fucker. I’m not saying that I don’t enjoy just laying back and taking it like a man on occasion. But when it comes right down to the nut cuttin’, I like to be the one whippin’ and spurrin’.

As a little bit of unscientific bullshittery research, here are a couple of polls. One for the dudes and one for the darlin’s. Vote early and vote often because inquiring minds want to know.

Fog The Mirror

Posted in crime and punishment, Happiness, Life's Questions, Prison with tags on December 1, 2008 by Pure Evyl

There is a new employee at the facility that to be quite frank is not the brightest crayon in the box. Gathered in the security office before shift change, the new employee notices a mirror. The mirror is at the end of a long handle and has wheels underneath. Such as the mirror shown below.

wheeled-security-mirror

We use the mirror to look under vehicles entering the facility for contraband. As there has been some misadventures in extra food and assorted contraband leaving the kitchen, a mirror was brought inside to aid in looking under the food carts.

The gullible new employee asked what the mirror was used for and how to use it. The Sergeant explained to the new employee that it is a new aid for strip searches. That it could be wheeled under the inmate as he squatted and coughed to make visual identification of contraband easier.

I was impressed with the answer of the Sergeant and added for the new officers instruction that not only was it an aid to visually check for contraband but that another thing to look for was is the mirror fogged up or not. If the inmate squatted and coughed and the mirror fogged up then all was fine but if the mirror did not fog up then there was some obstruction in the inmate’s anus and that the inmate would need to be checked further with a cavity search and that he should inform the shift supervisor.

I was proud of the Sergeant. He kept a straight face throughout my instructions to the new employee. It does a heart proud when training pays off.

I Just Don’t Get It

Posted in Advertising, Life's Questions, love and marraige, personal thoughts, Popular Culture with tags , , , , , , on November 30, 2008 by Pure Evyl

Frankly, I just don’t get this commercial. I find it hard to believe that Charlie Sheen would idol worship Michael Jordan. Sure Jordan is arguably the greatest basketball player ever but come on let’s get real. Not only was Charlie Sheen married to the super hot Denise Richards, he also screwed some of the finest women that money could buy, courtesy of Heidi Fleiss. And another thing that part at the end where Sheen throws his cell phone and says, ‘Call me, my numbers in there.’ What kind of idiot would look through Charlie Sheen’s cell phone and have time to call his number? As for me, I’d be calling up his ex!

Wait Til I Get My Hanes On You

Wait Til I Get My Hanes On You