Back From The Road With A Load Of Chode: not really but it does make a cool sounding title

Just a few thoughts from the road:

  • Why do barflies make the best bar-maids? Is it because they are so used to looking like a two at ten and a ten at two?
  • One of my favorite pastimes on road trips when I am driving alone is to turn off the radio and write really wretched country and western songs. I came up with a ‘great’ chorus on my drive home and thanks to a joke from Stef, I came up with the first verse. Perhaps I should make coming up with another verse the next freak of the week contest, although if the song hits the charts, I would have to share the big bucks with the winning verses. That would be a shame. Anyway here is what I have so far.

Crackwhores think I’m sexy, Some folks think that’s sick

Speccially when their teeth fall out as their suckin’ on my dick.

Crackwhores think I’m sexy, I kinda like it that way

I’m always gettin’ lucky even if I have to pay.

Crackwhores think I’m sexy and their not the only ones

Crackwhores think I’m sexy and so does your mom.

I remember that gal named Amber, in a glittery push up bra.

Her handjobs were divine and her bj’s were quite the draw.

And let me tell ya fellers, she’d be rich and fancy free

If that gal named Amber only had a woman’s pussy.

(repeat chorus)

  • The teacher stated that I was the top in the class due to my ability to draw in a classes attention and my use of humor to relieve tension in even the most boring and serious of subjects. And I even had one hand tied behind my back since I couldn’t curse or get vulgar. That took away my best shit. Now I have my trainers certificate, perhaps I will try to check in to teaching at a community college for a little extra money. That could be good for a few laughs.
  • On the second evening I was there, I discovered that from 5 to 7 down at the hotel bar, beer and well drinks were free. I don’t know that it was such a good idea because I was belching bourbon and coke until noon every day.
  • There’s no place like home. (People look at you weird when you are wearing ruby slippers in strange places.)
  • Buhbye for now. I am off to check my reader and will be visiting all of you soon. Check you laters and have a great Fourth of July Weekend.

21 Responses to “Back From The Road With A Load Of Chode: not really but it does make a cool sounding title”

  1. Hi Evyl,

    It’s good to know that you not only completed your class, but even did well, and all without managing to get yourself tasered. Bravo!

    Oh, and where is the bar with free drinks from 5 to 7? Could it, by chance, be a chain? I’m pretty sure I can suck down enough Scotch in two hours to pass out, which would save me a lot of money and strain on my will power as opposed to my normal routine of just staying modestly drunk all afternoon, then hitting my over priced bottle hard after dinner and passing out around 9.

    Fortunately, to the best of my knowledge, they don’t make ruby slippers in my size. I did once, however, paint a pair of my boots red, but that’s a story for another time.

    Oh, and kindly list the tune for your song.

    the Grit

    The tune is one of my own devising although it does put one in mind of a c&w version of Billy Joel’s, ‘The Entertainer.’ The hotel is a chain but I don’t know just how many locations that they have it is MCM. – Evyl

  2. wow quite the post!

    Thanks Kaylee. Hope all finds you well today. – Evyl

  3. Yay! You’re back! 🙂 Missed you.

    😆 those lyrics!

    Oh.. and congrats!

    Glad that you liked the lyrics. And thanks. – Evyl

  4. Love the song!! Maybe you should change professions and become a song writer. Though I don’t know if there is a big call for C&W porn songs. 🙂 I can’t quite picture Garth Brooks or Lyle Lovett singing it. Actually, it would be fun to see Lyle singing it.

    You can’t change professions now anyway. You don’t want all that schooling to go to waste.

    When you can’t curse you’re screwed. Cursing helps describe stuff so much better. Have a fuckin’ good weekend!!

    I consider myself to be carrying on the great c&w traditions of Jimmy Buffett and Rodney Carrington. It will never be anything more than a sideline as I can’t carry a tune in a bucket. – Evyl

  5. So nice to have you back! You were missed, and I’m thinking not only by me..
    Love your little ditty…that could be an awesome love song with a bit of polish don’t you think??

    Love = A bit of polish 😉 – Evyl

  6. I lurve the song. Can’t wait to see more verses for it.

    Glad to hear you did well on the course. And no swearing, fuck me how did you survive????

    It was fucking tough. – Evyl

  7. OMG, were you missed. Widdleshamrock had to resort to watching the pigs get their groove on, ‘cos she missed you so much. You have yourself quite the internetz harem happening.

    I’m thinking of getting t-shirts made up with “I AM EVYL’S CRACK WHORE”

    Love ya, babe. You were missed.

    Wow, you have me blushing like a little schoolgirl. I missed you too, darlin’. Thanks for making my day. – Evyl

  8. So you did finish superhero school. Far out. Love the song – can’t wait to see what your freaks come up with on a second verse. I’d definitely attend a class taught by you – just so I could say, “have to go or I’ll be late for Evyl 101.”
    😆
    Annie

    So will you be wearing a cute little Catholic schoolgirl uniform to class? – Evyl

  9. PMSL @ Annie’s comment – Evyl 101. Where do we sign up for that one???

    It might take me a few days to come up with a lesson plan. But remember that I am a strict disciplinarian and indescretions will be dealt with a firm hand. 😉 – Evyl

  10. Great Song 😉
    Anja…Put me down for a t-shirt please
    Writerchick save me a seat in class…on the lower side please…it’s more fun in low class

    Glad that ya liked the song. I have to get an eyeball on one of those tee’s. – Evyl

  11. Free dranks? WHA? Where that be? I’m go’n too! Nice score on the freebies! And, the crackwhore song is deluxe!

    Glad that ya liked the song. I just need another verse or two and who knows, I might just have a gold record. – Evyl

  12. Evyl!! your back! woo!!
    Glad your back.
    I’ll have a tshit.

    Oh! today on our sky (err… your cable?) a rugby (like grid iron?) was interupted by a porn video. someone screwed up. hehehehhehehe.. i instantly thought “omg i have to tell evyl” so there you go.

    congrats on finishing

    Now that’s my kind of interruption. I read your recent rant. Good for you. Love ya darlin’. – Evyl

  13. I’ve let a few “inappropriate” words drop here and there in classes I shouldn’t have. It didn’t kill anyone. Course, having boobs probably lets me get away with more. 😉

    With a set of gams like you have, you could get away with anything. – Evyl

  14. @ Gem – what is PMSL? @ Ol Lady – yup I’ve got the whole back row saved for you, me and Gem. 😉
    Annie

    I’ll go ahead and answer for Gem. PMSL is textspeak for piss myself laughing. – Evyl

  15. PS: Evyl which uniform? The blue plaid or the red coulots? 🙂

    Ohhh, choices, choices, how can I decide? – Evyl

  16. 😦 seems that my uniform kilt got washed in hot water…now it’s even shorter…and 3 of the buttons are missing on my blouse 😦 will I still be allowed to come to class???

    I have a special seat just for you. – Evyl

  17. That sounds more like a rap song to me, Evyl. And you know, the benefit of teaching at a college is that you CAN curse and be vulgar. Those are generally the best classes.

    Congrats on your certificate!

    Thanks!!! – Evyl

  18. I heard that in total country style! I don’t even like country music, but I loved that!

    Thanks, darlin’. I appreciate that. – Evyl

  19. Evyl with a training certificate………….

    Oh I can see the class list at the local community college now………

    Crack whoring 101
    Appropriate uses of the word ‘fuck’ in modern english
    Belching and Bourbon in 5 easy lessons

    😆

    Welcome back!! 🙂

    There are so many lessons to be taught. BTW, have you watched the video on my vodpod on the word fuck? It’s some funny ass shit. – Evyl

  20. i loved that joke 🙂
    promise me you won’t quit your job to become a song writer ok? hehe funny song!
    you have ruby slippers?
    i won’t ask…

    I don’t foresee quitting my day job anytime soon. – Evyl

  21. Welcome back !!!!

    Thanks!!! – Evyl

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