Archive for the Funky Fiction Category

Keep on A’Rollin’ Baby

Posted in Blog Babble, Evyl's Friends, Funky Fiction with tags on June 2, 2009 by Pure Evyl


The awesome Moe kindly allowed me to add my little bit to one of her fabulous rolling stories. She started it off and them passed the story over to Blondie, and then Widdle Shamrock,  and then to Mistress B, and then on to Cris, and then to Anja, and then to Annie. It is a shame that I have to screw up such a great story but I appreciate her confidence and hope she won’t mind me fucking it up to bad. Well, here goes nothing.

He stepped from the plane into the crowded airport, the face of who he was seeking, fixed firmly in his mind.

He had seen it numerous times, but knew, even if it had been revealed only once, it was a face he would never forget.

How could he ever forget the face of the person responsible for the single most painful experience of his life?

The devastation it had created was an event he would not allow himself to forget.

He was driven to not only find her, but make her suffer the way he had. Ensure she experienced the total overwhelming feeling that had been his constant companion for more than 10 years.

The hopelessness, anguish and feeling of loss, all of which kept him awake, or haunted his dreams, turning every night into a tortuous time to be dreaded, in every waking moment…….

Constance sat in the study looking out over the garden. She loved to be in this room. It was just how she had imagined she would have her own room just for her writing, all those years ago. The garden was showing the first signs of spring approaching. There were new buds on all the plants and the winter chill had gone from the air today, so she had happily let Alison play outside.

She was distracted from her writing while watching Alison play in the garden. The child had a wonderful imagination and Constance loved to watch her play. As the sun glistened on Alison’s hair and she poured tea for the teddy bears, Constance wondered how their lives would have turned out if she had made a different decision on that fateful day. For the first time in many years, she let her mind wonder to Alison’s father. Constance had not let herself think about him since that day. As she was thinking about him, she felt a shiver go up her spine and felt a sense of dread that she hadn’t experienced in a long time…

Dermot ran his hand through his hair. He was still a ‘looker’ and he knew it. He felt the glances from women as he walked through the airport to the taxi stand.

“Mmm, Nice eye candy.” he heard a woman mutter quietly to her friend.

He smiled to himself. Nice eye candy indeed. Standing at almost 6ft tall, Dermot had thick, black, wavy hair with tinges of grey. While he was no body builder, he kept himself in good shape. It was his eyes that women loved the most though, his deep, sea blue eyes. Many a woman had gazed into those eyes and fallen prey to his charms. Many a woman had known what it was like to be loved and tossed aside like a broken toy when he had had enough. Dermot hadn’t always been like that, a cruel, hard hearted bastard. There was a time when he loved freely and unashamedly, trusted implicitly. That was before Con….

Dermot shook his head. There was no time for that.

He hailed a cab, and when it pulled up, threw his overnight bag in the back and got in.

“Where to?” the cab driver asked.

Dermot paused. What now? He had waited for this for 10 years, plotted, planned, changed his mind over and over, never letting the flame of revenge die in his heart. He was here now. It was time.

Yes, where to?

He directed the driver to his hotel resisting the impulse to rush the confrontation that he knew was to come, remembering the events that led up to that fateful night that changed all their lives forever.

His mind drifted back in time as he remembered her despair that her husband was slowly drinking himself to death, her grief for the marriage and life that she would never now have. He remembered pulling her close initially to try to calm her weeping but later, oh later………. of holding her closer, much closer than a brother in law should as they sought to affirm the life that they both should have been living .

He remembered the gentleness of her fingers as they explored his muscles, the softness of her silky smooth skin, how she shivered when he kissed her neck, how her body arched beneath his as they took what each needed from the other.

It was the most incredible night he had ever known, he’d never found that kind of satisfaction with another woman since. She’d ruined him for anyone else and he’d never trusted another women again after what she did. Falling in love with his brother’s wife was bad enough and he had hated himself for it but for her to tell James while he was still so vulnerable…….. The bitch killed him!

She shouldn’t have told him, she should have stayed silent and forgotten about that night, that one night that they had turned to each other for comfort after taking James to rehab. If only she hadn’t told him he would never have been drunk at the wheel that night and had a chance of maintaining control of the car on the snow covered mountain road.

She killed James and then she vanished!

He’d been looking for her this whole time. It was time someone held her accountable

Constance sat with a vague sense of unease, watching her daughter. She was struck by the need to go out and grab that beautiful child and run. She could not put her finger on the reason, but the fear began to grow in her. She hadn’t felt this in years. ‘Not since…..No, I will not let my mind go there…it was long ago and I am past it now,’ she thought.

But her mind continued to wander, down, deeper into her memories. All she could remember was the heart shattering loss, feeling like she was spiraling deep into nothingness, emptiness and like her heart had been cut from her.

The sound of the telephone cut through the silence like a chain saw, but Constance was locked deep in her mind, and could not reach out for the phone. At the same time Allison heard the phone ringing from outside and came running into the house. Mommy had just started allowing her to answer the phone on occasion, and if it was still ringing …….she ran to the phone, stopping short when she saw her mom sitting there.

“Mommy, Mommy are you ok?” shouted Allison. The crystal glass shattered against the terrazzo tiles, shocking Constance back into reality. He was behind Allison, close enough to touch her. Those eyes, those beautiful eyes that made her drown in a pool of lust and passion were staring at her daughter. His long fingers were about to touch her hair. Constance was chained to her chair in fright. She knew why he was here. He was here to take away the one thing that was good and beautiful in the world – he was here for Allison. Her mind was in turmoil, her thoughts a myriad of confusion. How could she love a man that had vowed to make her suffer? How could she still feel that warm rush of ecstasy at the thought of him touching her, when she knew he was on a mission to destroy her. He smiled at Allison; that familiar smile he would deliver to her all those years ago. Constance died inside when she heard his voice. The pain cut through her heart when she heard him say,

“Hello, Allison. I have waited a long time to see you. I am your father”

Allison’s large green eyes regarded the tall stranger with distrust. “What’s your name?” she asked.

“Dermott McDawg,” he replied, a smile so oily it could have dressed salad.

“Kermit the Frog?” Allison smirked. “Mummy, what is he doing here? I have a twitter date and I’m going to be late. You told me I never had to meet him. You told me he eats small children for lunch.”

Constance gasped and looked truly surprised and shrugged at Dermott. “I really didn’t…Allison, this is your…”

“Oh knock it off, Mummy – we both know this is the bastard that slept with you and caused me to kill myself on that lonely mountain road.” Allison leveled a rather scary gaze at Dermott. “If it weren’t for you I would still be a virile man sleeping with my hot wife and making babies of our own, instead of having to come back as your love child conducting fake tea parties on the lawn with teddy bears.”

Dermot was speechless, all his plans of vengence fading quickly and being replaced with a sense of fear. “Well, ah, Allison dear…”

“Don’t you dear, me, you rat-bastard waste of space wanker!” Allison stamped her foot and pulled a can of pepper spray from her pretty pink pinafore. Psst. “Take that you lowlife, treacherous wife fucker!”

“My eyes! My eyes!” Dermott cried rubbing them with his fists. He could not see a thing but he felt a sudden chill of fear race his spine when….

He realized that all the years of seeking divine retribution was suddenly regurgitated on his lap. He was the one that caused his brother’s death. He was the one that by one night of pure unadulterated lust pushed his drunken bum of a brother over the edge.

And that is when he realized the truth. His brother, James, was a fucking douchebag. What gave him the right to come back as the child of his night of passion. As he thought about Constance breast feeding this evil spawn from hell, rage filled his soul. Those perfect breasts should have been mine for the suckling.

Even though he could not see the fiend that had sprayed him, he could hear her breathing and he could smell her rancid tea breath. Dermot jumped and grabbed the demon spawn by the throat. Then he heard the distinctive sound of a shell being pumped into a twelve gauge shotgun. He knew that Constance would shoot. But who? The man that she loved and had been robbed of by her drunken bum of a husband or the demon spawn that had stolen the life that belonged to her child?

Now my part is done and it is up to the lovely and talented Cowgal to add her magic.

A Crack Ho Christmas Carol

Posted in Funky Fiction, Holidays with tags on December 24, 2008 by Pure Evyl

Maggie leaned against the graffiti smudged concrete wall and inhaled deeply of the glass pipe. Not even the jolt of ice coming from the pipe seemed to liven her up. It was Christmas Eve but still she waited for some semblance of the Christmas spirit to enter her. Her last trick had left her even colder.

A wine sodden Mall Santa had slipped his ‘North Pole’ up her rear chimney while uttering ‘Ho, Ho, Ho’ behind the trash dumpster outside the Great American Cookie Company.  Oh well, it’s better than sucking a bell ringers candy cane, she thought to herself. Those guys fishing through the kettle to pay her off always made her feel sad.

Another hit off of the pipe and Maggie thought through the haze. She ventured back to a time when she was a fresh faced girl new to the game. Standing on a street corner, gathered around a burning trash can,  surrounded by fellow crack-whores and sipping Mad Dog 20/20 straight out of the bottle wrapped in a crisp brown paper bag. Their pimp, Big Daddy J, had pulled up in his pink Cadillac El Dorado and given each of them a fur lined crotchless panty to protect their assets on the cold winter nights.

Although that was only two years ago, it seemed like a lifetime to Maggie. Just one more hit left on the rock. She drew it in slowly and headed out. She managed a wan smile as she departed saying to herself, ‘It’s tricks for tips not toys for tots.’

Freak Of The Week: Cereal Freak

Posted in For The Freaks, Fun and Games, Funky Fiction with tags on November 27, 2008 by Pure Evyl

Now that the turkeys been decimated and the pumpkin pie is but mere crust, it’s once again the time of times. It’s time to put the most prestigious title in the entire blogosphere up for grabs. It’s time to pick the Freak of the Week.

A recent study was undertaken that discovered that viewers of free porn on the internet eat more breakfast cereal than non-viewers of free porn. Your job if you choose to accept it is to come up with a name and tag-line for a brand of cereal marketed to appeal to surfers of free porn. If you are chosen the winner, blogfame is yours as Freak Of The Week!!!

Good luck to all and may the freakiest freak win!!!

Tasteless Poetry: Episode XXI

Posted in For The Freaks, Fun and Games, Funky Fiction, Tasteless Poetry with tags , on November 2, 2008 by Pure Evyl

Once again the people have spoken and here is my take on the poll winning subject: Necrophelia.

You Got Yours

Soft and Silent as black cat’s paws in the dark

A lone widow makes her entry in stealth

The coffin sits ready to view so stark

She comes to steal but not for worldly wealth.


Jim was gone. Of that there is not a doubt

Viagra and wanton lust burst his heart.

In passioned throes he gave a final shout

Blew his last load and then made his depart.


Gazing on the body the widow choked

Yet she noticed that not all was amiss

For by medical art or deathly joke

Jim sported a stiffy to large to miss.


She luridly smiled a smile oh so fine

And stated, ‘You got yours. Now I’ll get mine.’

Tasteless Poetry: Episode XX

Posted in For The Freaks, Fun and Games, Funky Fiction, Tasteless Poetry with tags on October 21, 2008 by Pure Evyl

By Popular Demand

Strange Love At The Toot-N-Scoot

 Under the harsh glow of the fluorescent light

Lola freshened her powder blue eyeshadow

The ash grew long on her Marlboro Light

As she waited for Joe.


Lola worked the night shift from eleven to seven

At the all night convenience store.

A rough slice of heaven

For the drunks, night workers, and crack whores.


But her favorite customer was a man she knew only as Joe

He was a little geeky and a tad bit shy

And came in every night when the business was slow.

As courteous as could be, a soft spoken guy.


The sensor on the door gave a quick little beep

And in walked Joe with a shy little smile.

He shuffled to the counter and told Lola that he just couldn’t sleep

And if she minded if he just stood and talked for a while.


Lola’s face beamed with a bright shiny glow

And stated that she didn’t mind not a bit

They talked and they talked and Lola put on a show.

Giggling and laughing and pushing out her false tits.


When the mood was just right and no one was around the Toot and Scoot

In a velvety sotto voice, Lola took Joe’s hand and led him out back.

She then pushed down his jeans to around his boots.

Then preceded to give some mouth love beside the bread rack.


After that when all was said and done

Lola looked up with soft eyes and wiped off her chin.

And said, ‘Now that you’ve had your little fun,

It’s time for you to give it a spin.’


Joe was game and reached between Lola’s thighs.

And surprise of surprise, he got quite a shock.

He realized that he wasn’t none the wise

For Lola had a great big cock.


Joe said, ‘Hell no I ain’t that kind of guy.’

Lola with a smile pulled out a gun.

Joe stared and wondered why.

But Lola just grinned and said, ‘Git ‘er done.’


So a quick little recap and a lesson you might see.

A blow job that you think that you yearn

From a sotto voiced cashier that seems fancy free

You might just have to give in return.

Short Funky Fiction: Like A Man

Posted in Bullshit, Funky Fiction with tags on September 14, 2008 by Pure Evyl

Bob and Bertha were the best of friends. Bob was a shriveled up little effeminate guy while Bertha was a big and burly woman that looked like a man. One day Bob and Bertha were driving down country roads drinking beer. They stopped on the turn-row of a cotton field to take a whiz. Bertha squatted and upon rising let out a tremendous fart. Bob cried, ‘Ehhh, Gross!!!’ Bertha laughed stating, ‘I am more of a man that you are.’ Bob let fly and shot a stream of piss over the hood of the pick-up truck directly onto Bertha’s forehead and said, ‘Yeah, right.”

A Delicate Touch

Posted in Blog Babble, Evyl's Friends, Freaks and Friends, Fun and Games, Funky Fiction with tags on May 26, 2008 by Pure Evyl

Anonymum’s rolling post, Too Splendid,  has come to an end. By some quirk of luck, I was chosen to put the finishing touch. I tried to keep it short, sweet, and simple like every single post here at From Evyl With Love.

My thanks to Anonymum for putting up with me and for everyone that picked me to finish the story. Now get over there and let everyone know how fucking brilliant I am.