Fuck Cute

Yesterday, I was out shopping for some new duty boots. While headed to the boot rack on the back aisle, I noticed a young couple looking at ladies shoes. I overheard him say, ‘They’re cute but I’m just not sure they’re you.’

What in the flying fuck is up with that? I would have shot this fucker in the balls but I might be arrested for destroying her fucking purse. There are only two legitimate uses for the word, ‘cute’, in the English Language. I man may say that a baby or very young child is cute and a man may say that a puppy or infant animal is cute. All other uses of the word cute by a man is strictly forbidden and if a man uses it for other than these two legitimate reasons then in my opinion he might as well take a trip to Trinidad, Colorado, donate his balls to a worthy cause, have his cock flipped inside out, and concentrate on a career in Softball.

Fuckin’ sonsofbitches, It’s metro-sexual asshole cum-bubbles like that, that make it tough for the rest of us real men.

Politics Makes For Strange Porn

My bro, Crazy Dan, recently had a post about a new porno with the title, ‘Who’s Nailin’ Paylin?’. It got me thinking of some more porn titles that could be made this political season.

• Barak In The Oval Orifice
• Look Who’s Blowin’ Biden
• Obama’s Baby Momma
• Gang Bang McCain
• The Bi-Partisan Bi-Sexuals
• Cumshot Conservatives
• Left Wing Liberal Lesbian Labia Lickers
• Glory Hole Voting Booth
• Lubed Up Lobbyists
• Deep Inside Interns

Actually porn and politics go hand in hand because no matter who wins this election, we are all getting fucked.

Suck It The Fuck Up

From Yahoo News:

DELTONA, Fla. – An angry Deltona father whacked his teenage daughter’s boyfriend with a metal pipe after finding the boy naked in his daughter’s room. Authorities say the father, 45, didn’t even know his daughter had a boyfriend or that the youngster had been sneaking into the home for more than a year.

When he heard noises coming from his daughter’s bedroom Thursday morning and saw a stranger standing naked on the girl’s bed, he swung a metal pipe. He then chased the teen out the front door and called police.

The boy was taken to the hospital where doctors closed a head wound with staples.

The father was charged with aggravated battery on a child and bonded out on $10,000.

What a crock of fucking horse-shit! Back in the day if you had the fucking balls to sneak into a girls room to knock off a chunk, then you knew that you had to man up and take your ass whuppin’ like a fucking man if her dad caught your ass. It was just considered the price for getting a piece of ass.

That’s not the view in today’s pansy-assed society. Hell no, a man’s home is no longer his castle. We live in a fucked up world where being caught banging some dude’s daughter in the man’s home uninvited is no big fucking deal but handing out a well deserved ass whuppin’ is.  

I wish to fuck that I could sit on that jury. I’d give that poor pipe toting bastard a fucking medal.

Get A Little Captain In You

I was watching television last night and an ad for chemistrydotcom came on. It was two dudes all lovey dovey and holding hands. It seems that this is an on-line dating service for not only male-female couples but for homosexuals as well. Perhaps they should name the homosexual side of the service something that would be a little more indicative of what the service actually does. How about EGay?

 

EGay. You can find a him at EGay.

Famous Asshole Quote: Is It Destiny or The End Of The World?

Men do not shape destiny, Destiny produces the man for the hour. – Fidel Castro

Word of The Day: Superman

 Superman: When you are mad at your girl for not having sex with you. So when she falls asleep you masturbate and cum on her back. After that, stick the bedsheet on to her back and when she wakes up it’s stuck to the cum and she has a cape like Superman!!!

This phrase was made popular by the rapper, Soulja. It has even started a dance craze. I never thought that I would live in a world where there would be a dance craze about throwing jizz like a monkey in a zoo. It brings a tear to my eye.

Fuck You Haiku: Fifty-Eight

Ode To A Crack Whore

Suck that crystal dick

Through your toothless blistered lips

Burn the taste of cum.

Imagine Me A Gentleman

 I was amazed when Michael invited me to co-author a new gentleman’s blog with him. It’s not that I didn’t relish the thought of a no-holds, no-bullshit, man-blog. It’s just that I never thought that anyone would consider me a gentleman. Sure I fit my definition of a gentleman. My definition is simple; A gentleman is a man that steps out of the shower to take a piss. I just didn’t think that I would fit anyone elses definition of a gentleman.

We have both played around with the new blog and have posted a few posts. We decided to be anonymous with our posts and let you try to guess which of us wrote each piece. We don’t know exactly where the blog is going to but I do know one thing, it will always be by real men, for real men, and the women that love real men.

So head on over to Evyl & Smoke and bask in manliness just don’t expect us to leave the toilet seat down.

Just What The Fuck Is Appropriate Anyway? Part Two

 After a close reading of the policies and procedures, it is apparent without a doubt that I am the final arbitrator in deciding if the length of a visitor’s skirt or dress is appropriate at the facility. Damn, I love my fucking job!!!

For those unable to read French, the postcard states, “With a mini-skirt, it will be easy to kiss Fanny.”